For #9, we go back to July 18th when I finally get to watch some amazing footballers LIVE and in Person!
EPL greats Chelsea FC comes to town to play a Friendly against the Seattle Sounders FC. I have been a Football fan for a long time and have followed the EPL via online and Fox Soccer Channel, but have always dreamed of making a trip to England just to watch some football played by some of the world's best club teams. With Chelsea coming to Qwest to play a match, I finally got a chance to see great players like Michael Ballack and Frank Lampard as well as an Idol of mine Petr Cech play LIVE! An absolutely amazing experience!
Check out the recap of the match here
28 December 2009
Best of 2009... #10
So I am going to do the Best of 2009 for me. These are the best moments, songs memories, whatever for the year. I have a lot that happened this year and a lot of things that influenced me this year, so I felt it appropriate.
Starting off @ #10
This is a song, that from the first bass note had me hooked! No matter what I was doing or how I was feeling, this song always perked me right up and calmed me down from whatever tizzy I was in at that point in time. A great song from a couple of House Masters!
Here is the Eric Prydz remix of Calvin Harris - Flashback
Starting off @ #10
This is a song, that from the first bass note had me hooked! No matter what I was doing or how I was feeling, this song always perked me right up and calmed me down from whatever tizzy I was in at that point in time. A great song from a couple of House Masters!
Here is the Eric Prydz remix of Calvin Harris - Flashback
Ever Wonder about the station I work for?
This mix was done by DJ Earworm. He does a mashup of the Billboard Top 25 for the year exiting. This is one of the better ones that I have heard out of him.
20 of the 25 were played at one point or another on my station. These get mixed in with songs from Dr. Dre, 2Pac, EnVogue, Bel Biv DeVoe, and the like.
Give it a watch if you have a minute
20 of the 25 were played at one point or another on my station. These get mixed in with songs from Dr. Dre, 2Pac, EnVogue, Bel Biv DeVoe, and the like.
Give it a watch if you have a minute
22 December 2009
Great Works on the Horizon
Today I spent the first part of my day talking with some amazing people. Now I spend my time editing the audio down. Lots of fun times for me. I am going to have a ton of fun with this project.
What project is it, you ask...
Well... Keep checking back here after the first of the year to find out. I promise good times ahead!
What project is it, you ask...
Well... Keep checking back here after the first of the year to find out. I promise good times ahead!
21 December 2009
Sad... Well... Yes, but still not News worthy
As most of you know, I work for a radio station in my hometown of Seattle, WA. My job requires me to stay on top not only what's new in music, but also what's happening in the news and pop culture. Because of this, I spend a lot of time going through emails, websites, and RSS/twitter feeds to keep on top of all of this so I can advise for my station and Air Staff to the best of my ability.
Now, news of a celebrity death is nothing new. From the time the broadcast media started, they have covered the death of a celebrity. One thing that has drastically changed is how big the celebrity had to be to get coverage. In the days of my idols, Murrow and Cronkite, you had to be a Head of State or an Icon (Monroe, Sinatra, Dean) to get even a mention on the evening news, and even then, you were lucky if it took up more than 2 minutes of air time.
With the development of the 24 hour news channel, comes the need to fill those hours with something to report on. In this crazy world, I don't see a lack of things to report on. War, famine, disease, charity work, extraordinary people, community events, ect. With all these other things to report on, why is it that every time I hear of a "celebrity" death, it is plastered across every news station for days? Why do all I see in the news agency feeds (AP, Reuters) is information and "news" stories I would come to expect to read in a supermarket rag or on a gossip site? Some of the supposed most reputable news agencies reduced to gossip rags.
Here's an idea... Maybe you can gain your credibility back with this one.
STOP REPORTING ABOUT EVERY CELEBRITY or PSUEDO-CELEBRTIY THAT DIES BY THEIR OWN HAND!!!
And since I'm on the topic...
A PERSON CHEATING ON THEIR PARTNER IS NOT NEWS WORTHY NO MATTER HOW HIGH PROFILE THEY ARE!!!
This year, it seems it was a bad year for "celebrity" deaths. I can't remember a month this year that I wasn't reading through story after story after story of a celebrity dying, mostly due to a drug overdose or some other form of self inflicted death. The other popular story to report is infidelity inside a "celebrity" marriage. Stories about him cheating on her or her cheating on him. I seriously could have written an entire book out of just the headlines that I have seen out of news agencies that are about these 2 topics.
While any loss of life is unfortunate, why does the fact that these people lived in the public eye make it news-worthy? When medics get a frantic call from a housewife at 3am because her husband is face down on the bathroom floor not breathing, is a news crew following along? When the cops find a junkie on the streets dead after her dealer hot dosed her for not paying, are reporters banging on every door to find the leads? And what about the families that are torn apart everyday because one partner doesn't stay faithful to the other? Where's the news story about the mother of 3 kids who was able to stay at home and raise her kids who now has to go work 2 jobs to make ends meet causing her to barely see her kids because dad couldn't stick to the vows he made? Where's the in-depth coverage over the man who contracted HIV through his wife of 10 years because she was out having unprotected sex behind his back?
How are these stories any less tragic or unfortunate as any celebrity? Why do we always here about celebrities having these problems, but when it happens to an everyday person, it goes totally unnoticed?
Have we as a society become so obsessed with the lives of the people we see through the TV that we have forgotten to care about our own neighbors? As a society have we stopped caring about what's really happening in our world? Why do we allow these news agencies to run with this garbage and not tell us what's really happening in the world?
Now, news of a celebrity death is nothing new. From the time the broadcast media started, they have covered the death of a celebrity. One thing that has drastically changed is how big the celebrity had to be to get coverage. In the days of my idols, Murrow and Cronkite, you had to be a Head of State or an Icon (Monroe, Sinatra, Dean) to get even a mention on the evening news, and even then, you were lucky if it took up more than 2 minutes of air time.
With the development of the 24 hour news channel, comes the need to fill those hours with something to report on. In this crazy world, I don't see a lack of things to report on. War, famine, disease, charity work, extraordinary people, community events, ect. With all these other things to report on, why is it that every time I hear of a "celebrity" death, it is plastered across every news station for days? Why do all I see in the news agency feeds (AP, Reuters) is information and "news" stories I would come to expect to read in a supermarket rag or on a gossip site? Some of the supposed most reputable news agencies reduced to gossip rags.
Here's an idea... Maybe you can gain your credibility back with this one.
STOP REPORTING ABOUT EVERY CELEBRITY or PSUEDO-CELEBRTIY THAT DIES BY THEIR OWN HAND!!!
And since I'm on the topic...
A PERSON CHEATING ON THEIR PARTNER IS NOT NEWS WORTHY NO MATTER HOW HIGH PROFILE THEY ARE!!!
This year, it seems it was a bad year for "celebrity" deaths. I can't remember a month this year that I wasn't reading through story after story after story of a celebrity dying, mostly due to a drug overdose or some other form of self inflicted death. The other popular story to report is infidelity inside a "celebrity" marriage. Stories about him cheating on her or her cheating on him. I seriously could have written an entire book out of just the headlines that I have seen out of news agencies that are about these 2 topics.
While any loss of life is unfortunate, why does the fact that these people lived in the public eye make it news-worthy? When medics get a frantic call from a housewife at 3am because her husband is face down on the bathroom floor not breathing, is a news crew following along? When the cops find a junkie on the streets dead after her dealer hot dosed her for not paying, are reporters banging on every door to find the leads? And what about the families that are torn apart everyday because one partner doesn't stay faithful to the other? Where's the news story about the mother of 3 kids who was able to stay at home and raise her kids who now has to go work 2 jobs to make ends meet causing her to barely see her kids because dad couldn't stick to the vows he made? Where's the in-depth coverage over the man who contracted HIV through his wife of 10 years because she was out having unprotected sex behind his back?
How are these stories any less tragic or unfortunate as any celebrity? Why do we always here about celebrities having these problems, but when it happens to an everyday person, it goes totally unnoticed?
Have we as a society become so obsessed with the lives of the people we see through the TV that we have forgotten to care about our own neighbors? As a society have we stopped caring about what's really happening in our world? Why do we allow these news agencies to run with this garbage and not tell us what's really happening in the world?
It saddens me that I have to spend most of my day sifting though all of this JUNK to find the real news stories. I want to spend my day being informed on what's actually happening in the world. I want to read more stories about people striving to make this world a better place for all of us, not who what caught doing blow while underage at a nightclub. I want to hear stories about people taking their time and resources to rebuild, not about some celebrity douchbag that can't keep it in his pants.
What ever happened to integrity in Journalism?
Where's Walter and Edward when you need them?
14 December 2009
You know...
So this is totally a test post for me. In finding more ways to keep this blog updated, I am trying to give myself the ability to post from my phone. Man, gotta love technology.
You know... I was thinking about something the other night, and it carried itself over into today. There is a new site out on the interwebs (www.uncoverostomy.com) that is dedicated to bringing more awareness to ostomies and trying to eliminate some of the negative stigmas that are associated with them. I think that the work that Jess Grossman, IDEAS, and the UOAA are doing is awesome. As most americans and people of the world today knows, sex sells. I believe that this site does a great job of showing that ostomies can be sexy and not something that detracts from the visual of the body and that someone can lead a "normal" life with one.
There is, however, something that I feel this site fails to do, and because of this, will fail at its ultimate goal.
The sites title is Uncover Ostomy, yet the only time that it is uncovered is in the studio during a photo shoot. Outside of that, this site does nothing to show real life with an ostomy uncovered. It shows that a person with an ostomy can lead a normal life, but saying you have tips on how to hide your ostomy isn't really living with it uncovered now, is it.
There is an old saying that I completely think is true. Out of sight, Out of Mind.
I think that the work that has been started by IDEAS, the UOAA, and Jess is a great start. But for this to really be successful, you have to take it a step further.
Now I am not one to criticize without suggestions, so I have a few that will help take this to the next step in awareness.
First, you have to show real people in real situations with their bag showing. A man playing some basketball with his buddies. He's on the "skins" team, and you can see that his ostomy isn't getting in the way of him playing some ball. (His shooting ability, well that's a whole other story) A teenage girl at the beach wearing a 2 piece swimsuit sunbathing with her friends gossiping about the boys at school. Several ostomates playing some beach volleyball. Ostomates working out in a crowded gym. Everyday situations where it is the norm for the abdomen to be exposed and ostomates participating without embarrassment or heckeling by the people around them. Show ostomates with their bags exposed in real world situations.
Second, organize more than a "World Ostomy Day." You want people to pay attention, you have to go big, with a big visual. Think of this, 1000 ostomates hanging out in the middle of summer with their bags exposed on Venice Beach. For something local to me, Flash Mob of Ostomates in Pioneer Square having a dance party. I'm not thinking "March on the Capitol Steps" as that could be shown as either positive or negative depending on who sees it. Think "What's something that we already like to do that we can get a ton of ostomates to join in on where we can show people that we are just as normal as they are." That's the stuff that will turn some heads and generate the positive talk that needs to occur.
I think if you can successfully do those 2 things, it would really get the awareness movement going.
But hey, I could be wrong. After all, I have only been a member of the broadcast media for 10 years. What could I possibly know. (Sorry I had to get that joke in cuz I'm weird like that)
Peace, Love, and joy to you all this Holiday Season!
-D
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Following up
Tonight I woke up in the middle of the night. Don't really remember why, but I did. In an attempt to stay in bed and fall back asleep, without disturbing my sleeping wife, I decided to check my twitter feed and my Facebook from my phone. (What can I say, I'm a tech geek and I love being constantly connected to the world... Maybe that's why I am great at what I do... LOL) When I checked my twitter feed, I noticed that my last post got the attention of the people that help run uncoverostomy.com. At first, this worried me as I don't like being critical, but I think that constructive criticism is vital to development.
To my surprise, most all the comments seem to show me that the post was taken as it was intended, as suggestions on how to improve on a good idea. I am pleased that they saw it this way, and am completely open to helping out in any way that I can.
But one comment left on the Uncover Ostomy facebook page got me thinking some more and is causing me to write this entry at 3:30am.
One user (I will not use their name as thy are not a "friend" and without their permission I would feel bad writing it here) commented (I am paraphrasing from the post, these are not the users actual words) that being a UC sufferer, they are concerned about the possible need for an ostomy in the future. They go on to say that they think Jess's work in showing that you can get the sexy back after surgery is great and that they would love to learn how to conceal the bag in socially appropriate situations to be able to wear that pencil dress or tailored shirt without having their bag showing through. They also go on to say that not all ostomates may share my views on awareness, especially so recently post op. (I'm only 10 weeks post op)
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE with all of that!!! And I think there is a great idea in there too!
I spend a lot of time on the interwebs (like I said, I'm a tech geek) and one thing that frustrates me is that it was almost impossible to find ALL the information that I desired about Ostomies and what to expect in my life post op in one place. Yes, there are multiple websites with medical information (UOAA.org was great for me in this aspect) and others with more social information (I really haven found one that I like for this) but I found it impossible to get all the information I desired in one place. I will tell you that I find Discussion boards a waste of time. Half the time the thread leads in a direction it originally wasn't intended and they are also cluttered with other peoples conversations that don't pertain to the topic at hand. It takes way too long to filter through the junk. To find the jewel of information that you really wanted in the first place.
This leads me to the Idea that this Facebook user gave me.
I think that what we need is what I, for lack of a better term, will call a panel blog. A site, co-authored by medical professionals (surgeons, WOCN's, GI's, ect...), Members of the, as I call them, awareness societies (UOAA, CCFA, IDEAS, GYGIG, ect...) And everyday people living with ostomies. (at least 1 male and 1 female from every 10yr age gap) Their job will to be answer any and all questions presented. (at launch, definitely start with the FAQ's and go from there) Include Bio's of each of the contributing members so people know where the information is coming from. Have the site well indexed and searchable. Give people that wish to participate a forum to add their 2 cents without detracting from the information provided. Give ostomates a place on the interwebs to get all the information they desire in one place. And one other ciritcal aspect to this site, the authors have to be completely candid about any question that is presented. (The information I desired the most was the information I couldn't find ANYWHERE on the internet and finally had to ask a fellow ostomate who was willing to be candid with me.)
Besides, if its a joint venture, a lot of Non Profits could save a lot of money on site maintenance and server costs while reducing clutter on their own sites
We absolutely need to help each other out! We need to support each other before we can bring true awareness to the masses.
Please, any and all comments about anything that I have written is greatly encouraged! Some of the best ideas come from people being constructively critical of other peoples work.
Love, Peace, Chicken Grease!
-D
P.S. I know I am writing this after the previous post, but since this one doesn't really make sense unless you have read the other, I put it underneath.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
You know.... I really should find more time in my day!
You know... I really have like a dozen posts sitting around in the archive that I never posted because I never finished them... I really should go back and try and finish them... or at least post what I have already written.
Life is good! I started doing some Yoga yesterday to help build my core as I work on my legs for the ride. Let me tell you... I HURT today! But it is a good hurt! You know that hurt that you get when you know that you did a great workout and soon you will be feeling better. I love that feeling!
Life is interesting. I really need to find a way to get things out in the open without distroying relationships. I have never really been the type to complain or point out others flaws, because I do not like it happening to me. So I sit back and let a lot of things bug me in silence until I explode, destroying a lot of things around me. Then I spend the rest of the time rebuilding relationships. Hey, at least this time I didn't try to quit my job! I'm sure my boss is appreciative of that one! (long story, will explain if you really want to know...)
(Looking out the studio window, the fog is rolling in. I like fog, it means it's not really freaking cold outside! It makes me want to get on the bike I don't own and go for a ride)
I think I have finally started to figure out my body again since the surgery. So much more to learn. I am liking that I don't have the pain that I did for the longest time! It's been weeks now since I took anything for Crohn's related pain. I hope that this continues for the weeks/months to come.
I love this time of year around the office. Most everyone is away on vacation, leaving me the only full time staff member around to get the work done. It's my station for a couple weeks a year. I love it! I soared under a lucky star to end up doing what I am doing in Market 13 so early on in my career, so to be in charge of the station is a HUGE thing! As much as this job stresses me out sometimes, I wouldn't want to do anything else!
We have an appointment for a ultrasound next week... hopefully we know more about what's happening with baby then. It's crazy times around here, but that's alright. She's doing better with this one. The nausea isn't getting to her as bad this time around.
I need to get back on the bike again. Anyone have a bike trainner that they don't need anymore? I need to start training for the ride. I may have to go through surgery again before the ride, so I need to be in ubershape before that happens just in case so I can bounce back quickly and still be ready by the time the ride starts. I am going to start riding with my family soon... I just want to be able to actually do some sort of distance before I go out with them. They have almost a year head start on me. (Oh hey, that reminds me... I still need to register)
Well I do have a lot of work to get done today... I hope that everyone out there on the interwebs has a great day and I look forward to seeing you all soon
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
Life is good! I started doing some Yoga yesterday to help build my core as I work on my legs for the ride. Let me tell you... I HURT today! But it is a good hurt! You know that hurt that you get when you know that you did a great workout and soon you will be feeling better. I love that feeling!
Life is interesting. I really need to find a way to get things out in the open without distroying relationships. I have never really been the type to complain or point out others flaws, because I do not like it happening to me. So I sit back and let a lot of things bug me in silence until I explode, destroying a lot of things around me. Then I spend the rest of the time rebuilding relationships. Hey, at least this time I didn't try to quit my job! I'm sure my boss is appreciative of that one! (long story, will explain if you really want to know...)
(Looking out the studio window, the fog is rolling in. I like fog, it means it's not really freaking cold outside! It makes me want to get on the bike I don't own and go for a ride)
I think I have finally started to figure out my body again since the surgery. So much more to learn. I am liking that I don't have the pain that I did for the longest time! It's been weeks now since I took anything for Crohn's related pain. I hope that this continues for the weeks/months to come.
I love this time of year around the office. Most everyone is away on vacation, leaving me the only full time staff member around to get the work done. It's my station for a couple weeks a year. I love it! I soared under a lucky star to end up doing what I am doing in Market 13 so early on in my career, so to be in charge of the station is a HUGE thing! As much as this job stresses me out sometimes, I wouldn't want to do anything else!
We have an appointment for a ultrasound next week... hopefully we know more about what's happening with baby then. It's crazy times around here, but that's alright. She's doing better with this one. The nausea isn't getting to her as bad this time around.
I need to get back on the bike again. Anyone have a bike trainner that they don't need anymore? I need to start training for the ride. I may have to go through surgery again before the ride, so I need to be in ubershape before that happens just in case so I can bounce back quickly and still be ready by the time the ride starts. I am going to start riding with my family soon... I just want to be able to actually do some sort of distance before I go out with them. They have almost a year head start on me. (Oh hey, that reminds me... I still need to register)
Well I do have a lot of work to get done today... I hope that everyone out there on the interwebs has a great day and I look forward to seeing you all soon
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
02 December 2009
Something that has been bugging me this week....
This post is taking a break from writing about the usual Crohn's or surgery related things to complain about something that makes me slightly ashamed to be a part of the community that I am about to rip on.
Over the weekend, a very tragic thing happened. 4 uniformed Lakewood Police officers were sitting in a coffee shop, getting ready to get back out to protecting our streets, when a gunman came in and opened fire directly on them, killing all 4 of them. These 4 brave individuals did nothing but try to keep our streets safe for us, and were murdered in cold blood by some lunitic. My thoughts go out to the families of these brave individuals that gave their lives to keep us safe.
Immediately after the incident, a MASSIVE manhunt went underway to find the suspect in this tragic event and bring him to justice. I applaud the work of the Law Enforcement agencies across Western Washington for their efforts to get this man off the streets. Someone that can step up and shoot directly at 4 officers can not be described as stable. Personally I find it unfortunate that the suspect was killed before he could see his day in court, but that is a personal opinion on the situation. And that leads me to the issue that I have with some of my colleuges in this situation.
Monday morining, I woke up and turned on the news as I always do, (I will not disclose what channel I was watching as I have already addressed this with that station and don't feel the need to discredit them further) and as to be expected it was mostly about the Fallen Officers and the manhunt for the suspect. At this point they had the name of the top suspect, Maurice Clemens, and were broadcasting his name and photo in an effort to ade officers in finding this suspect. I absolutely don't have a problem with this, I think its a great idea that they ade the search in any way they can without compromising it.
Where I have an issue is in their inability to keep their opinions out of the news. All morning, all I heard was "Cop Killer Maruice Clemens" or "Murder Marice Clemens." I'm sorry... but when did he get in front of a judge and get sentanced as a murder?
Now, I know out justice system is flawed. Hell, just look at this case and you can see where some of the flaws are. A multiple time fellon had his sentance commuted by then Gov. Huckabee, had a parole condition that was a No Bail Hold if detained that was removed for no logical reason, only to be put back in place AFTER he bonded out in a case where he assaulted someone and was suspect in a rape. But it is our justice system, and we pride ourselves as a nation on bringing people to justice in front of a jury of thier peers. It's flawed, but it is what we have.
Now the News is suppose to be a broadcast of the facts, unless otherwise stated as an opinion. Being that this man never had his proper day in court, how can the media say he was a murderer. Suspected Cop Killer, Suspected Murder, Suspected Gunman... Absolutely we can say that. But he never had his day in court, so how can the members of the media label him anything but?
Personally, in my opinion from what I have seen, I think he absolutely did it. But that is my opinion. I would never broadcast that and try to pass it off as fact until he has been brought to proper justice.
The media does a lot of good in this society, but some things I can't help but be slightly ashamed that I decided to get into this business. All I can do it do my job with intregity and hope that my peers take notice and start doing the same.
Stay Safe! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
-D
Over the weekend, a very tragic thing happened. 4 uniformed Lakewood Police officers were sitting in a coffee shop, getting ready to get back out to protecting our streets, when a gunman came in and opened fire directly on them, killing all 4 of them. These 4 brave individuals did nothing but try to keep our streets safe for us, and were murdered in cold blood by some lunitic. My thoughts go out to the families of these brave individuals that gave their lives to keep us safe.
Immediately after the incident, a MASSIVE manhunt went underway to find the suspect in this tragic event and bring him to justice. I applaud the work of the Law Enforcement agencies across Western Washington for their efforts to get this man off the streets. Someone that can step up and shoot directly at 4 officers can not be described as stable. Personally I find it unfortunate that the suspect was killed before he could see his day in court, but that is a personal opinion on the situation. And that leads me to the issue that I have with some of my colleuges in this situation.
Monday morining, I woke up and turned on the news as I always do, (I will not disclose what channel I was watching as I have already addressed this with that station and don't feel the need to discredit them further) and as to be expected it was mostly about the Fallen Officers and the manhunt for the suspect. At this point they had the name of the top suspect, Maurice Clemens, and were broadcasting his name and photo in an effort to ade officers in finding this suspect. I absolutely don't have a problem with this, I think its a great idea that they ade the search in any way they can without compromising it.
Where I have an issue is in their inability to keep their opinions out of the news. All morning, all I heard was "Cop Killer Maruice Clemens" or "Murder Marice Clemens." I'm sorry... but when did he get in front of a judge and get sentanced as a murder?
Now, I know out justice system is flawed. Hell, just look at this case and you can see where some of the flaws are. A multiple time fellon had his sentance commuted by then Gov. Huckabee, had a parole condition that was a No Bail Hold if detained that was removed for no logical reason, only to be put back in place AFTER he bonded out in a case where he assaulted someone and was suspect in a rape. But it is our justice system, and we pride ourselves as a nation on bringing people to justice in front of a jury of thier peers. It's flawed, but it is what we have.
Now the News is suppose to be a broadcast of the facts, unless otherwise stated as an opinion. Being that this man never had his proper day in court, how can the media say he was a murderer. Suspected Cop Killer, Suspected Murder, Suspected Gunman... Absolutely we can say that. But he never had his day in court, so how can the members of the media label him anything but?
Personally, in my opinion from what I have seen, I think he absolutely did it. But that is my opinion. I would never broadcast that and try to pass it off as fact until he has been brought to proper justice.
The media does a lot of good in this society, but some things I can't help but be slightly ashamed that I decided to get into this business. All I can do it do my job with intregity and hope that my peers take notice and start doing the same.
Stay Safe! I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
-D
16 November 2009
Merry Christmas...
Tonight I spend my time working on a custom Christmas music mix for work. They use it at Christmas specific events through this time of the year. (Tree Lightings, Christmas Music Concerts, ect...) As I was working on this, I realized that this time that I spend working on this mix is the only time during the last couple years that I have been able to sit down and enjoy the music of the season. The rest of the time I am so focused on what's happening with the station that I don't have time to. This is a very busy time of year for me at work. Not only do I have to fill in around work for everyone that is out and about on vacations and such, we have to start planning out the next year of the station. So I sit here and listen to the entire 2 hour mix real time (normally after I finish a mix I speed through it to just hear the transitions to make sure it sounds fluid) so that I can have my bit of holiday music joy before I have to focus on reality again.
I hate that this year I have had to do this at night after I have left the office for the day, but what can I do about that...
I know, considering that it is almost 11pm and I am still healing from the surgery, I should be asleep. My attitude with that is... it's fucking pointless to try to sleep. Since I have tapered off the prednisone I have been even more restless. Now I don't know if it has something to do with that or the fact that I can not find a comfortable position to sleep in since surgery, but it is getting recockulous. Even the Ambien that they prescribed me doesn't work anymore. (and I am already on the max dose of it)
I know that everyone is telling me that I need to stay positive like I have been, but what if I don't want to anymore? It's fucking EXHAUSTING to stay this positive all the time when you hurt either from a chronic illness or surgery or both and still work full time, still am active outside the house, and have 2 young children running around constantly wanting the attention that they deserve to get from their dad.
Can I have a weekend... Just one... Where I am allowed to be negative? One where I can complain about how much I hurt and how exhausted something simple as doing the laundry makes me? One where I can have people not expect the world out of me? One where I can play the "I'm Sick" card and not feel guilty about it? Where I can call in to work sick and not feel guilty that I shorted them or my family? Just one?
This post took a turn you didn't expect, didn't it.....
Well until I touchdown in Fantasy land... I guess it's time to slap the smile back on my face and get to it again... :D
Well that's enough complaining from me. Complaining about your life gets you nowhere...
I am going to go back to listening to my Christmas music... Try not to spoil the little joy I get out of this every year.
Until I see you all again.....
I hate that this year I have had to do this at night after I have left the office for the day, but what can I do about that...
I know, considering that it is almost 11pm and I am still healing from the surgery, I should be asleep. My attitude with that is... it's fucking pointless to try to sleep. Since I have tapered off the prednisone I have been even more restless. Now I don't know if it has something to do with that or the fact that I can not find a comfortable position to sleep in since surgery, but it is getting recockulous. Even the Ambien that they prescribed me doesn't work anymore. (and I am already on the max dose of it)
I know that everyone is telling me that I need to stay positive like I have been, but what if I don't want to anymore? It's fucking EXHAUSTING to stay this positive all the time when you hurt either from a chronic illness or surgery or both and still work full time, still am active outside the house, and have 2 young children running around constantly wanting the attention that they deserve to get from their dad.
Can I have a weekend... Just one... Where I am allowed to be negative? One where I can complain about how much I hurt and how exhausted something simple as doing the laundry makes me? One where I can have people not expect the world out of me? One where I can play the "I'm Sick" card and not feel guilty about it? Where I can call in to work sick and not feel guilty that I shorted them or my family? Just one?
This post took a turn you didn't expect, didn't it.....
Well until I touchdown in Fantasy land... I guess it's time to slap the smile back on my face and get to it again... :D
Well that's enough complaining from me. Complaining about your life gets you nowhere...
I am going to go back to listening to my Christmas music... Try not to spoil the little joy I get out of this every year.
Until I see you all again.....
13 November 2009
It's a really grey day out there today
Today is definately a grey kind of day. Woke up late... had to run for the bus... took my rain jacket but forgot to make sure I had another layer underneath it... got blamed for something that wasn't my fault and couldn't have fixed it even if I had caught it in time... It's a grey day.
Life had been interesting since surgery for me. Life started to return to normal... but then again is there such a thing as normal for me? I returned to work full time 2 weeks post op. My doctor wasn't too happy about that, but what can I say I'm stubborn.(there seems to be no damage done for doing that) The wound from the surgery is healing alright I guess. I am a little sick of seeing this Giant opening in my abs and tired of not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. If it doesn't hurt my back, it hurts my abs, no matter what I do. So I am forced to take the lesser of 2 evils and decide what gets to hurt that night. It's a little annoying to say the least.
I am gettin use to living with the ostomy. I think the bigger restriction for me right now is the wound. I wish it would heal already. Life hasn't really changed outside that. It's actually a lot nicer for me. I am not in a constant search for a bathroom. I also think less about what I am eating and just am eating more! Being a foodie at heart, it really sucked not being able to eat most things for the longest time! I would still create magnificent dishes for my family, I was just unable to eat my own creations. (I did the same thing when I was on TPN, I would cook for my family then go get hooked up for the night as they enjoyed it)
(Quick Break.... actually have work to do.... WTH is up with that....)
There are a few things that I am having to get use to living with this bag on my abs. A lot of my formal clothes don't look quite right now. I tend to wear very tailored shirts, and it looks like I have a bit of a weird looking belly. I think I will have to learn to manipulate it a bit to make these shirts look proper again! I love my clothes and don't want to have to go find different ones. Another good note is that I have put on 13 pounds since surgery! I am on my way to getting back to the shape I once was! I should put pictures up of me just out of High School. I felt the best about how I looked back then. If I could get even close to that again I would be happy! I will be training hard for the GYGIG rides soon so that will help get the muscle tone back, now just to put the weight back on.
(Sorry.... Another Work break.... trying to write this today during my breaks)
Work is an interesting creature. I am use to this, but just when things start to get into a routine, that blows up and we start all over again. That's alright by me... to a point. I love for things to constantly be changing, but my body doesn't like it so much. Hell it's taken a couple years to get use to waking up when I do, and half the time I still wake up late.
My kids are growing up way too quickly! Elijah is running around starting to try and form words. His favorite thing to do now is imitate what mommy and daddy do. I will have to upload a video I have of him grabbing one of our empty cups, lifting it like he was drinking from it, and as he puts it down he goes "ahhh"! It is the cutest thing ever! Amber is doing great in school. She started at a new school this year in a harder program and is doing so much better than she was. I think getting her away from all her old friends helped that out too. We have been blessed with 2 really good kids. Now let's hope that the third will be the same.
Yes... I did just say Third...
Erin is preggo with our 3rd (and final) child. Estimated due date at this point is June 16th, but I am sure that will change by a couple days in the future. This does mean that there is no chance in hell that the wife will let me go to NY this year for the ride... Which sucks because I really wanted to make it to NY this year. Oh well... there still is the Midwest and I will still be involved with the NY ride. Someone has to keep an eye on the Twitter feed and keep those tweets coming! I am going to try and convince the board to let me update the Facebook too while on the ride along with the website. I have some great ideas for this year! Now to get them all down on paper and ready to present.
With The Holidays just around the corner, I hope all of you that read this have a very Happy Holidays. This is the time of year for me to be insane, except for about 48 hours when I am with the family having an enjoyable meal and plesent conversation. So if you don't hear from me anytime soon, it's because I have misplaced my mind in the mess that is my office... I will get back to you as soon as I find it again.
Much Love to you all!
Life had been interesting since surgery for me. Life started to return to normal... but then again is there such a thing as normal for me? I returned to work full time 2 weeks post op. My doctor wasn't too happy about that, but what can I say I'm stubborn.(there seems to be no damage done for doing that) The wound from the surgery is healing alright I guess. I am a little sick of seeing this Giant opening in my abs and tired of not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. If it doesn't hurt my back, it hurts my abs, no matter what I do. So I am forced to take the lesser of 2 evils and decide what gets to hurt that night. It's a little annoying to say the least.
I am gettin use to living with the ostomy. I think the bigger restriction for me right now is the wound. I wish it would heal already. Life hasn't really changed outside that. It's actually a lot nicer for me. I am not in a constant search for a bathroom. I also think less about what I am eating and just am eating more! Being a foodie at heart, it really sucked not being able to eat most things for the longest time! I would still create magnificent dishes for my family, I was just unable to eat my own creations. (I did the same thing when I was on TPN, I would cook for my family then go get hooked up for the night as they enjoyed it)
(Quick Break.... actually have work to do.... WTH is up with that....)
There are a few things that I am having to get use to living with this bag on my abs. A lot of my formal clothes don't look quite right now. I tend to wear very tailored shirts, and it looks like I have a bit of a weird looking belly. I think I will have to learn to manipulate it a bit to make these shirts look proper again! I love my clothes and don't want to have to go find different ones. Another good note is that I have put on 13 pounds since surgery! I am on my way to getting back to the shape I once was! I should put pictures up of me just out of High School. I felt the best about how I looked back then. If I could get even close to that again I would be happy! I will be training hard for the GYGIG rides soon so that will help get the muscle tone back, now just to put the weight back on.
(Sorry.... Another Work break.... trying to write this today during my breaks)
Work is an interesting creature. I am use to this, but just when things start to get into a routine, that blows up and we start all over again. That's alright by me... to a point. I love for things to constantly be changing, but my body doesn't like it so much. Hell it's taken a couple years to get use to waking up when I do, and half the time I still wake up late.
My kids are growing up way too quickly! Elijah is running around starting to try and form words. His favorite thing to do now is imitate what mommy and daddy do. I will have to upload a video I have of him grabbing one of our empty cups, lifting it like he was drinking from it, and as he puts it down he goes "ahhh"! It is the cutest thing ever! Amber is doing great in school. She started at a new school this year in a harder program and is doing so much better than she was. I think getting her away from all her old friends helped that out too. We have been blessed with 2 really good kids. Now let's hope that the third will be the same.
Yes... I did just say Third...
Erin is preggo with our 3rd (and final) child. Estimated due date at this point is June 16th, but I am sure that will change by a couple days in the future. This does mean that there is no chance in hell that the wife will let me go to NY this year for the ride... Which sucks because I really wanted to make it to NY this year. Oh well... there still is the Midwest and I will still be involved with the NY ride. Someone has to keep an eye on the Twitter feed and keep those tweets coming! I am going to try and convince the board to let me update the Facebook too while on the ride along with the website. I have some great ideas for this year! Now to get them all down on paper and ready to present.
With The Holidays just around the corner, I hope all of you that read this have a very Happy Holidays. This is the time of year for me to be insane, except for about 48 hours when I am with the family having an enjoyable meal and plesent conversation. So if you don't hear from me anytime soon, it's because I have misplaced my mind in the mess that is my office... I will get back to you as soon as I find it again.
Much Love to you all!
10 November 2009
Bring the World Cup to Seattle and the US!
I just added a widget to the sidebar of this blog. It is to help bring the Beautiful game to Seattle and more importantly the US. Please take a minute to sign the petition, help bring litterally WORLD CLASS Soccer to the US once again!
16 October 2009
Why can't I keep myself out of there....
So here's a quick update on what's happened over the last 48 hours... (I'll get back to updating the last post in a bit, but I want to update you all on the recent events)
Yesterday I had a nurse come by the house to check up on me and the PICC line that I had. They have been coming by a couple times a week since it was placed to check up on me and change dressings so it was suppose to be a routine visit. While she was taking my vitals, I had a temperature of 102.8 and my resting heart rate was somewhere in the 130's. The nurse immediately called my surgeon to let him know and see what he wanted to do. I had been feeling just fine up until just a couple hours earlier, so this was all new to me. My doctor called me back and told me to get my butt back to the hospital, and that a bed was waiting for me. When I got there, they took an xray to see that the PICC was still in place and that there was nothing funky going on with my lungs. Once that came back, they took blood culutres and did a bunch of other tests to try and find an infection and also rule out the flu. While those were out, the resident surgeon came and saw me (luckly it was one that was in on my surgery, so he knew what was happening already). He saw some drainage out of the surgery incision and said he needed to open it up. So he pulled the staples out of that area and opened it up. There was a little bit of material that he removed and he opened it up a bit more just to make sure that he got it all. So they packed the wound with gause and taped me up for the night. Overnight my fever broke and my heart rate came down. All of the cultures and tests that they did came back negative, so they think that little bit of suspect material was the culprit. They were going to keep me through the weekend if I was uncomfortable with taking care of the open wound, but since taking care of that is no different than when I had to do it for my face last year, I told them that if I could, I would rather be at home if it was no different to them. They discharged me after teaching me again how to care for the wound.
So now I am home again... Hopefully this time I can stay away from the hospital for more than a couple days.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! I appreciate them all!
Yesterday I had a nurse come by the house to check up on me and the PICC line that I had. They have been coming by a couple times a week since it was placed to check up on me and change dressings so it was suppose to be a routine visit. While she was taking my vitals, I had a temperature of 102.8 and my resting heart rate was somewhere in the 130's. The nurse immediately called my surgeon to let him know and see what he wanted to do. I had been feeling just fine up until just a couple hours earlier, so this was all new to me. My doctor called me back and told me to get my butt back to the hospital, and that a bed was waiting for me. When I got there, they took an xray to see that the PICC was still in place and that there was nothing funky going on with my lungs. Once that came back, they took blood culutres and did a bunch of other tests to try and find an infection and also rule out the flu. While those were out, the resident surgeon came and saw me (luckly it was one that was in on my surgery, so he knew what was happening already). He saw some drainage out of the surgery incision and said he needed to open it up. So he pulled the staples out of that area and opened it up. There was a little bit of material that he removed and he opened it up a bit more just to make sure that he got it all. So they packed the wound with gause and taped me up for the night. Overnight my fever broke and my heart rate came down. All of the cultures and tests that they did came back negative, so they think that little bit of suspect material was the culprit. They were going to keep me through the weekend if I was uncomfortable with taking care of the open wound, but since taking care of that is no different than when I had to do it for my face last year, I told them that if I could, I would rather be at home if it was no different to them. They discharged me after teaching me again how to care for the wound.
So now I am home again... Hopefully this time I can stay away from the hospital for more than a couple days.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers! I appreciate them all!
12 October 2009
Think of a title for this later....
So I have attempted to write this post for the past 3 days now... and I don't know if it is I don't want to or I am not sure of what to write... but I am going to get you all updated on what has happened since Thrusday morning by the time breakfast shows up or else I will wait to eat till this is done!
The examination under anestesia went well. They found that some areas of my sigmoid colon and rectum were not as diseased as they originally thought, so they didn't need to cut as much, if any, from there. There were still questions about some sections of my small bowel that would only be answered when they opened me up and got a real good look at what's happening. Although I didn't like the idea of just "winging it" so to speak, I really trust my doctors and if they told me they needed me to jump off the roof before the surgery I'd do it.
So I went home that afternoon and started getting things ready for my surgery. I wanted to nap all afternoon, but my son was having none of that! I think he knew it was the last time daddy was going to be able to wrestle with him for a while and wanted to get his fix in while he still could.
Emotion finally hit me Thursday night. I had been letting it build and build, just telling my self that this wasn't anything and that I was making a bigger deal out of this than it was. Well I was just lying to myself. This is a huge thing and I wasn't dealing with the emotional side enough. I broke down pretty much the whole night as my family slept.
Friday Morning started pretty much Thursday Night for me. Didn't sleep at all. Didn't think that I would, but I was hoping. Got to the hospital, and things started happening. Took me up to surgery where I met my ET nurse and she marked me for my ostomy. Then it was getting into gowns and getting me into bed so that everyone could talk to me and get me prepped. After signing consents and such, I laid back and rested, waiting for things to start happening and that's all I remember... I must have closed my eyes and they pushed the sedative to relax me and then off we went!
I don't remember much of Friday night. I know that my family was all here when I got back to my room around 5pm. Aparently I was cracking jokes from my first consiousness. My brother, who is just as bad with his phone as I am, was sending out a mass txt to let the family know I was out of surgery and doing alright. I looked at him and said something along the lines of "dude, for once in your life will you put down the phone" he then informed me that he was just updating the family on what was happening so I told him "well, I guess that's ok..." I don't remember any of this. Oh and aparently I was dragging all of my words out for no aparent reason... Wow I was messed up! Bad thing was I was in a TON of pain, that I do remember. I know it was hard for my family to see me like that, because they could see the pain on my face. Didn't sleep much that night, was hitting the pain button constantly. It really sucked! Didn't look at my wounds till the next day. Don't know why I didn't want to, but I didn't. Didn't think I could handle looking at it that night.
I have a lot more to add to this... but this has taken a long time to write and I my body is telling me to sleep... so I am going to do that now and come back to this in a bit. have a wonderful day
The examination under anestesia went well. They found that some areas of my sigmoid colon and rectum were not as diseased as they originally thought, so they didn't need to cut as much, if any, from there. There were still questions about some sections of my small bowel that would only be answered when they opened me up and got a real good look at what's happening. Although I didn't like the idea of just "winging it" so to speak, I really trust my doctors and if they told me they needed me to jump off the roof before the surgery I'd do it.
So I went home that afternoon and started getting things ready for my surgery. I wanted to nap all afternoon, but my son was having none of that! I think he knew it was the last time daddy was going to be able to wrestle with him for a while and wanted to get his fix in while he still could.
Emotion finally hit me Thursday night. I had been letting it build and build, just telling my self that this wasn't anything and that I was making a bigger deal out of this than it was. Well I was just lying to myself. This is a huge thing and I wasn't dealing with the emotional side enough. I broke down pretty much the whole night as my family slept.
Friday Morning started pretty much Thursday Night for me. Didn't sleep at all. Didn't think that I would, but I was hoping. Got to the hospital, and things started happening. Took me up to surgery where I met my ET nurse and she marked me for my ostomy. Then it was getting into gowns and getting me into bed so that everyone could talk to me and get me prepped. After signing consents and such, I laid back and rested, waiting for things to start happening and that's all I remember... I must have closed my eyes and they pushed the sedative to relax me and then off we went!
I don't remember much of Friday night. I know that my family was all here when I got back to my room around 5pm. Aparently I was cracking jokes from my first consiousness. My brother, who is just as bad with his phone as I am, was sending out a mass txt to let the family know I was out of surgery and doing alright. I looked at him and said something along the lines of "dude, for once in your life will you put down the phone" he then informed me that he was just updating the family on what was happening so I told him "well, I guess that's ok..." I don't remember any of this. Oh and aparently I was dragging all of my words out for no aparent reason... Wow I was messed up! Bad thing was I was in a TON of pain, that I do remember. I know it was hard for my family to see me like that, because they could see the pain on my face. Didn't sleep much that night, was hitting the pain button constantly. It really sucked! Didn't look at my wounds till the next day. Don't know why I didn't want to, but I didn't. Didn't think I could handle looking at it that night.
I have a lot more to add to this... but this has taken a long time to write and I my body is telling me to sleep... so I am going to do that now and come back to this in a bit. have a wonderful day
08 October 2009
Thursday Morning... Let's Get this over with
I'm sorry that I have not update this in a while now... every time that I go to start, I end up either having work to do or I get distracted by my family and just never get back to doing what I started. Also I really haven't felt a whole lot like writing about what's been happening...
I mean, I accept what's happening and I am ready for them to get the bad sections of my colon out and place the ostomy, but I haven't really taken the time to go thru my head and sort out the emotional side of this. Logic and such, I am ready and willing. Emotionally, I don't know what I am thinking or how I feel about this. I know that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that in the end if it makes me healthy again, who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks about it.
I really am having a hard time with this. I have been keeping my mind distracted so I didn't have to deal with it, but now with no more work and the procedures to begin here in just a couple hours, it makes it impossible to not address it anymore.
A little later this morning I am heading into my surgeons office so they can do an "Examination under Anestesia" so they can make a specific surgical plan. We know from all the other tests most of what needs to happen, but there are some questions that doctor has and doing this exam will allow him to be able to definiatively tell me what he's going to do. Gotta say that I am not looking forward to getting blown up like a baloon and have a camera poked around inside of me. A friend suggested I sell tickets or the pictures as a fundraiser. If I thought someone would acutally pay for it, I totally would! I ain't to proud to whore myself out for a great cause!
Well I need to go get in the shower and get this day started already. I will get on here later today and update you all on what's happening. I love you all and appreciate all the positive thoughts and prayers that have been coming my way! They are a source of inspiration and strength for me!
I mean, I accept what's happening and I am ready for them to get the bad sections of my colon out and place the ostomy, but I haven't really taken the time to go thru my head and sort out the emotional side of this. Logic and such, I am ready and willing. Emotionally, I don't know what I am thinking or how I feel about this. I know that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that in the end if it makes me healthy again, who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks about it.
I really am having a hard time with this. I have been keeping my mind distracted so I didn't have to deal with it, but now with no more work and the procedures to begin here in just a couple hours, it makes it impossible to not address it anymore.
A little later this morning I am heading into my surgeons office so they can do an "Examination under Anestesia" so they can make a specific surgical plan. We know from all the other tests most of what needs to happen, but there are some questions that doctor has and doing this exam will allow him to be able to definiatively tell me what he's going to do. Gotta say that I am not looking forward to getting blown up like a baloon and have a camera poked around inside of me. A friend suggested I sell tickets or the pictures as a fundraiser. If I thought someone would acutally pay for it, I totally would! I ain't to proud to whore myself out for a great cause!
Well I need to go get in the shower and get this day started already. I will get on here later today and update you all on what's happening. I love you all and appreciate all the positive thoughts and prayers that have been coming my way! They are a source of inspiration and strength for me!
14 September 2009
Cont...
I have more questions than answers. I really don't like that feeling. Got more appointments to see people and have more procedures done. They didn't do the endoscope when they did my colonoscopy, so I have to go have that done on Thursday. They want to do it because I have been having pain in an area that they can't explain. They are hoping that this will help shed some more light on what's happening. I am not so sure... but I think I am getting a little more impatient with what's happening as time goes on and I still don't have answers. I see the surgeons on Monday in their office. I hope that they can tell me what's happening and what the plan is for this whole scenario. I still don't know what they plan on taking out, what type of ostomy they are planning, how long they expect before they go in, how much downtime I will have afterward, how this will affect my life, NOTHING!
It's slightly frustrating......
Untill then, I continue on this Clear Liquid only diet, WHICH IS TORTURE!!! I actually have been feening sooo hard for actual food lately, that I have taken to locking myself in my bedroom when the family is eating ANYTHING. I mean, the other night my wife heated some frozen pizza up (something that I usually have absolutely no problem staying away from) and I was craving it so badily. I think that I just miss food! I love to cook and eat and I can't do the latter right now.
It definately adds to the frustration.....
Friday I found myself back in the ER again... this time it was a flu. I went to bed Thursday night feeling just fine. When I woke up I had a gnarly cough and a temp up over 101. Called my doctors and they all told me to get my ass in there. Sure enough I caught the flu. They took 5 sets of labs from me!!! 3 from my PICC line, and 2 others from a second IV they tapped! I swear they wanted all of my blood! They pushed a couple litres of fluid, gave me some Tamiflu and sent me on my way. I spent most of the weekend in my bed trying to rest, but one of the side effects of the pain meds that I am on is I get jittery and hyper and have a need to do SOMETHING physical. Makes for interesting nights and such... finally get out of pain and have the need to go do something... my wife can't figure me out. I am doing much better today. My temp is gone and I only have a slight cough and body aches. Hopefully I won't be feeling any of this by Wednesday.
Sick on top of sick... adds more to the frustration......
Both of my kids birthday's are in September along with mine, so yesterday we had a party for them. What was I thinking letting my 11yr old have a bunch of friends over while getting over a flu and being fed out of a tube in my arm? I must have been on some great stuff when I said yes to that! All in all it was a great day for them and they had a blast, I was just completely DECIMATED by the end of the day. I had to take a nap after they all left. Watching my kids tear into their presents was awesome though. I also enjoyed watching Elijah tear into his first cake. Tradition in our family, the first bday the kid gets their own cake to tear into. We definately have some great pictures of what he did to his! Except for completely draining me, it was a great day
Helped me to forget about the frustrations for a while....
Now I am at work, waiting around for the last of my database to compile so I can finish my work for the day. Although I really didn't want to come in today, I did get a lot done. It's easy to get a lot done though when you are left to yourself with a to do list and a computer. I think I had a highly productive day, even made some calls to set up appointments and such. Unfortunately my to do list seems longer at the end of this day than it was when I walked into the building this morning. Oh well, that's life I guess.
I wish I could say that I am alright with everything that's happening. I wish I could say that I have made my peace with the situation and that I am ready for it all to be over so I can move on. I mean I want this all to be over and I want to move on with my life, but I am still very conflicted about everything that's going to happen and how it's all going to be happening and what's going to happen to by body.
All I can do is keep my head up, keep thinking positive thoughts, and keep praying that answers to all my questions are around the corner.
Untill then.... I will keep breathing... and keep trying not to cry... but I gotta say... it gets harder as the days go on living like this
Much love to you all
It's slightly frustrating......
Untill then, I continue on this Clear Liquid only diet, WHICH IS TORTURE!!! I actually have been feening sooo hard for actual food lately, that I have taken to locking myself in my bedroom when the family is eating ANYTHING. I mean, the other night my wife heated some frozen pizza up (something that I usually have absolutely no problem staying away from) and I was craving it so badily. I think that I just miss food! I love to cook and eat and I can't do the latter right now.
It definately adds to the frustration.....
Friday I found myself back in the ER again... this time it was a flu. I went to bed Thursday night feeling just fine. When I woke up I had a gnarly cough and a temp up over 101. Called my doctors and they all told me to get my ass in there. Sure enough I caught the flu. They took 5 sets of labs from me!!! 3 from my PICC line, and 2 others from a second IV they tapped! I swear they wanted all of my blood! They pushed a couple litres of fluid, gave me some Tamiflu and sent me on my way. I spent most of the weekend in my bed trying to rest, but one of the side effects of the pain meds that I am on is I get jittery and hyper and have a need to do SOMETHING physical. Makes for interesting nights and such... finally get out of pain and have the need to go do something... my wife can't figure me out. I am doing much better today. My temp is gone and I only have a slight cough and body aches. Hopefully I won't be feeling any of this by Wednesday.
Sick on top of sick... adds more to the frustration......
Both of my kids birthday's are in September along with mine, so yesterday we had a party for them. What was I thinking letting my 11yr old have a bunch of friends over while getting over a flu and being fed out of a tube in my arm? I must have been on some great stuff when I said yes to that! All in all it was a great day for them and they had a blast, I was just completely DECIMATED by the end of the day. I had to take a nap after they all left. Watching my kids tear into their presents was awesome though. I also enjoyed watching Elijah tear into his first cake. Tradition in our family, the first bday the kid gets their own cake to tear into. We definately have some great pictures of what he did to his! Except for completely draining me, it was a great day
Helped me to forget about the frustrations for a while....
Now I am at work, waiting around for the last of my database to compile so I can finish my work for the day. Although I really didn't want to come in today, I did get a lot done. It's easy to get a lot done though when you are left to yourself with a to do list and a computer. I think I had a highly productive day, even made some calls to set up appointments and such. Unfortunately my to do list seems longer at the end of this day than it was when I walked into the building this morning. Oh well, that's life I guess.
I wish I could say that I am alright with everything that's happening. I wish I could say that I have made my peace with the situation and that I am ready for it all to be over so I can move on. I mean I want this all to be over and I want to move on with my life, but I am still very conflicted about everything that's going to happen and how it's all going to be happening and what's going to happen to by body.
All I can do is keep my head up, keep thinking positive thoughts, and keep praying that answers to all my questions are around the corner.
Untill then.... I will keep breathing... and keep trying not to cry... but I gotta say... it gets harder as the days go on living like this
Much love to you all
10 September 2009
1 week later... More questions arise
Hey everyone, Sorry that I took off once I left the hospital. I have had a lot on my mind as you all could probably tell. I have attempted to put down what I have to say a couple times now, and I keep getting interrupted. Life... what are you going to do about it....
What has happened in the last week... Where to get started....
I have successfully spent the last week on my TPN. With this, I have been allowed only clear fluids + gummy bears. That's it. I must say its been hella hard to sit around and watch others munch down on whatever it is that's around while I am stuck drinking broth and eating gummy bears. If I was 10 years youngers, I would have thought 7up and gummy bears would have been Heavenly for a diet. Then I grew up and learned to appreciate food. I have to say the worst was last weekend when I took the family over to the grandparents house for dinner. I was happy to see everyone and to be out of the house and visiting people, but Frank does some of the most AMAZING food in his smoker, and he did a whole ham. That was a bit painfull to watch people eat that and not be able to enjoy it. Since then I have been better about my jealousy. Being on the TPN is kinda a trip to me. It takes 12 hours a day to infuse everything that I need for the day. They tell me that I could injest nothing else and be just fine. That's kinda weird to think about when you are up and mobile. It's kinda been cool to get use to though. The kids get a little weird seeing daddy hooked up with a tube in his arm half the night.
The family has been amazing through all of this. I know it can't be easy on them seeing daddy in a lot of pain or my wife knowing that I am unable to help out around here as much as I want to. They have been a constant source of energy for me! I know that all that I am dealing with right now is to get me into a place where I will be around for years to come to help them out through everything.
I am starting to fade for the night. I will get more down in the morning.
Life is an interesting mistress... I hope to be around long enough to figure her out!
What has happened in the last week... Where to get started....
I have successfully spent the last week on my TPN. With this, I have been allowed only clear fluids + gummy bears. That's it. I must say its been hella hard to sit around and watch others munch down on whatever it is that's around while I am stuck drinking broth and eating gummy bears. If I was 10 years youngers, I would have thought 7up and gummy bears would have been Heavenly for a diet. Then I grew up and learned to appreciate food. I have to say the worst was last weekend when I took the family over to the grandparents house for dinner. I was happy to see everyone and to be out of the house and visiting people, but Frank does some of the most AMAZING food in his smoker, and he did a whole ham. That was a bit painfull to watch people eat that and not be able to enjoy it. Since then I have been better about my jealousy. Being on the TPN is kinda a trip to me. It takes 12 hours a day to infuse everything that I need for the day. They tell me that I could injest nothing else and be just fine. That's kinda weird to think about when you are up and mobile. It's kinda been cool to get use to though. The kids get a little weird seeing daddy hooked up with a tube in his arm half the night.
The family has been amazing through all of this. I know it can't be easy on them seeing daddy in a lot of pain or my wife knowing that I am unable to help out around here as much as I want to. They have been a constant source of energy for me! I know that all that I am dealing with right now is to get me into a place where I will be around for years to come to help them out through everything.
I am starting to fade for the night. I will get more down in the morning.
Life is an interesting mistress... I hope to be around long enough to figure her out!
03 September 2009
Thursday Morning... I get to go home today!!!
Sorry for the lack of updates yesterday after the morning... I have had a lot on my mind as you all could probably tell. 24 hours later I have had some time to come to grips with the reality of what needs to happen and here's what I know.
Surgery is happening. It's now a matter of how invasive they want to go and how much they need to remove. I am heading home today as there is nothing else that they are going to do with me still here for now, and I would be a whole lot more comfortable at my house. I have to be back in the clinic with my new Colorectal team in about 10 days to do some exploration to see just how bad things are so they can make a definitive decision on what is going to be removed and what type of ostomy I will end up with in the end. From there it will be scheduling the surgery and getting it done. We hope to have me through surgery and recovering by October, giving me a chance to eat like a normal person by Thanksgiving. It sucks that this is the reason that I will be missing the Get Your Guts In Gear Ride in the Midwest, but I know that all my fellow riders and crew members will understand why I am gone and will do their best to make it all happen knowing that I am supporting them from Seattle to the best of my abilities.
I have come to grips with all of this. I still have a lot of questions about my new lifestyle going forward, and I am sure that a lot of people will be getting a lot of emails in the coming days as I am sitting around my house thinking about this, but I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful support system around me with a lot of people that know a lot about what's happening with me and what to expect going forward.
As soon as I know more about what's going to happen in the next couple weeks, I will let you all know. Untill then I thank each and every one of you. You have all been a source of inspiration and strength to me! I really don't think that I would be able to get through this without all of you.
Much love to you all!
Surgery is happening. It's now a matter of how invasive they want to go and how much they need to remove. I am heading home today as there is nothing else that they are going to do with me still here for now, and I would be a whole lot more comfortable at my house. I have to be back in the clinic with my new Colorectal team in about 10 days to do some exploration to see just how bad things are so they can make a definitive decision on what is going to be removed and what type of ostomy I will end up with in the end. From there it will be scheduling the surgery and getting it done. We hope to have me through surgery and recovering by October, giving me a chance to eat like a normal person by Thanksgiving. It sucks that this is the reason that I will be missing the Get Your Guts In Gear Ride in the Midwest, but I know that all my fellow riders and crew members will understand why I am gone and will do their best to make it all happen knowing that I am supporting them from Seattle to the best of my abilities.
I have come to grips with all of this. I still have a lot of questions about my new lifestyle going forward, and I am sure that a lot of people will be getting a lot of emails in the coming days as I am sitting around my house thinking about this, but I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful support system around me with a lot of people that know a lot about what's happening with me and what to expect going forward.
As soon as I know more about what's going to happen in the next couple weeks, I will let you all know. Untill then I thank each and every one of you. You have all been a source of inspiration and strength to me! I really don't think that I would be able to get through this without all of you.
Much love to you all!
02 September 2009
Wednesday Morning... I have more doctors now...
It's now 4:45am and I am awake again. I even took my ambien last night just before midnight and I still didn't get any sleep last night. I guess that I just had too much on my mind last night to really be able to sleep. It really sucks that I don't sleep at night around here. I mean I think I get more sleep over the course of a day while in the hospital, just a whole lot less at night when nobody is here. I watched CaddyShack last night on a loop out of shear laziness. Then again every time that I woke up I was in a different part of the movie, just watched it way out of order is all.
So... It's now time for me to update you all on what was talked about last night. Shortly after 5pm, my GI came in to talk to me about what was found in my colon. I kept asking him to release tape so I can turn it into a Discovery Channel special and make some money off of it, but he wasn't too kean on that... LOL. The good, My disease isn't as widespread as we originally thought. It appears that my small bowel is healing and responding to the drug therapy, which is a good thing. The worst of the bad, the lowest part of my Colon may be beyond repair, including parts of my rectum. It explains a lot of the pain that I have been having lately. Knowing now what the extent of everything is... this is what my GI is recommending, pending consultation of the latest doctors to be added to the team, a couple ColoRectal Surgeons.
1) We continue with the Bowel Rest in hopes that it works to calm down the infected bowel to a point it will respond to medications and I can return to life as usual with everything intact.
2) We resection the bowel, cutting out the really bad parts in hopes that the few mild/moderate places have a chance to heal and keeping "normal" bowel operation in tact. This would also include an extended Bowel Rest with the PICC line still in tact. The fear with this is that there are sections that are the most diseased that can not be removed and that it would just allow the disease to spread quickly through the non diseased portions.
3) We do an Ileostomy and open ourselves to 2 options with this
A) Leave the Large Bowel in my body and in tack. This would allow for an extended period that we could rest it and give us a possibility of reconnecting it at a future date (year+ down the line if it responds and the disease goes into ressession. The down side is that leaving the diseased bowel in there may lead to the disease spreading farther into the bowels or even jumping into other parts of my body (i.e. the RA they fear I have developed in my back or worse).
B) We pull the entire Large Bowel while we are in there. The fear of a resection is that I have a very diseased part of my Rectum, and a resection would reconnect to that diseased section and just cause the disease to spread to the healthy sections quicker. Pulling the entire Colon would, in essence, pull the majority and worse of the disease out of my body, giving me the best shot at recovery.
It's a lot to think about right now. I have had a chance recently to talk with quiet a few people about their ostomies, and I am not really scared about the prospects of living with an Ostomy, but there is a lot to think about.
I hate being in hospitals! Beyond the fact that they never make you feel like you are getting better, I have to spend a lot of time away from Family and Friends. I know in the end this is all suppose to be for the better... but it gets hard to keep that outlook from here when you feel good but still can't just do something simple like get up and walk around. At least I can stll stay connected to the world through the internet and my phone, and I have had a lot of people swing by and visit. I am so fortunate to have such a great family!
Well I am going to go this morning... I have a lot of questions that I want to find answers to.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers through this most difficult time in my life. Your Strength has helped me keep my strength and positive attitude around me.
Much Love to you all!
So... It's now time for me to update you all on what was talked about last night. Shortly after 5pm, my GI came in to talk to me about what was found in my colon. I kept asking him to release tape so I can turn it into a Discovery Channel special and make some money off of it, but he wasn't too kean on that... LOL. The good, My disease isn't as widespread as we originally thought. It appears that my small bowel is healing and responding to the drug therapy, which is a good thing. The worst of the bad, the lowest part of my Colon may be beyond repair, including parts of my rectum. It explains a lot of the pain that I have been having lately. Knowing now what the extent of everything is... this is what my GI is recommending, pending consultation of the latest doctors to be added to the team, a couple ColoRectal Surgeons.
1) We continue with the Bowel Rest in hopes that it works to calm down the infected bowel to a point it will respond to medications and I can return to life as usual with everything intact.
2) We resection the bowel, cutting out the really bad parts in hopes that the few mild/moderate places have a chance to heal and keeping "normal" bowel operation in tact. This would also include an extended Bowel Rest with the PICC line still in tact. The fear with this is that there are sections that are the most diseased that can not be removed and that it would just allow the disease to spread quickly through the non diseased portions.
3) We do an Ileostomy and open ourselves to 2 options with this
A) Leave the Large Bowel in my body and in tack. This would allow for an extended period that we could rest it and give us a possibility of reconnecting it at a future date (year+ down the line if it responds and the disease goes into ressession. The down side is that leaving the diseased bowel in there may lead to the disease spreading farther into the bowels or even jumping into other parts of my body (i.e. the RA they fear I have developed in my back or worse).
B) We pull the entire Large Bowel while we are in there. The fear of a resection is that I have a very diseased part of my Rectum, and a resection would reconnect to that diseased section and just cause the disease to spread to the healthy sections quicker. Pulling the entire Colon would, in essence, pull the majority and worse of the disease out of my body, giving me the best shot at recovery.
It's a lot to think about right now. I have had a chance recently to talk with quiet a few people about their ostomies, and I am not really scared about the prospects of living with an Ostomy, but there is a lot to think about.
I hate being in hospitals! Beyond the fact that they never make you feel like you are getting better, I have to spend a lot of time away from Family and Friends. I know in the end this is all suppose to be for the better... but it gets hard to keep that outlook from here when you feel good but still can't just do something simple like get up and walk around. At least I can stll stay connected to the world through the internet and my phone, and I have had a lot of people swing by and visit. I am so fortunate to have such a great family!
Well I am going to go this morning... I have a lot of questions that I want to find answers to.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers through this most difficult time in my life. Your Strength has helped me keep my strength and positive attitude around me.
Much Love to you all!
01 September 2009
Tuesday Afternoon... Tests are done for now
Sorry that it took me all day to really feel up to typing this again. This morning I was in for a colonoscopy. That sedation really knocks me out. Once the doctor started pushing the meds, I was feeling all "happy" and don't remeber a thing after that. They tell me that it went well and the pain that I am feeling is from some biopsies that they took. I don't know much more about it than that at this point, as my doctor hasn't been around today yet. I expected it though... he squeezed the colonoscopy in before his slammed clinical day. He should be around sometime soon though to let me know what is what.
Outside that, it's been a really chill day. the PICC line is the only one that I have left in my arm... and it will be there for a couple weeks now. They plan of keeping me "fed" through it for a while.
Well my doctor just showed up to talk.... I will update you all on what he says in a bit.
Much Love to you all
Outside that, it's been a really chill day. the PICC line is the only one that I have left in my arm... and it will be there for a couple weeks now. They plan of keeping me "fed" through it for a while.
Well my doctor just showed up to talk.... I will update you all on what he says in a bit.
Much Love to you all
Tuesday Morning... I have been up way too long already
Good morning people! This is a great day for me I guess. Well last night I wasn't able to sleep much with the nurses coming in and out every hour or so to check my PICC line and the drips. I was hoping to get a bit more sleep last night, but it is what it is. I will sleep when they sedate me for the Colonoscopy. My doctor promised me that I will be good and out when he does it! Last night after my last post my doctor stopped by to chat and let me know what the plan for today is. Hopefully we know more about just how bad my disease is in my bowels and what we need to do to control it going forward.
I hope that, no matter what, I can feel better soon!
For the longest time I fought the idea of surgery. I saw it as taking away something that I needed to live. I have come to see, through the help of my friends and a lot of research, that this is not true. I know now that I can have a productive life without my colon. I might even be able to live a better life than I have had in the past 5 years+.
I will beat this! You all are helping me do it and I LOVE YOU ALL for it!
I have to go now... time to go become my own Discovery Channel Special!
Will update you when I know more!
I hope that, no matter what, I can feel better soon!
For the longest time I fought the idea of surgery. I saw it as taking away something that I needed to live. I have come to see, through the help of my friends and a lot of research, that this is not true. I know now that I can have a productive life without my colon. I might even be able to live a better life than I have had in the past 5 years+.
I will beat this! You all are helping me do it and I LOVE YOU ALL for it!
I have to go now... time to go become my own Discovery Channel Special!
Will update you when I know more!
31 August 2009
Monday Evening... The tests for the day are through
So it's not 430pm and the tests for the day are through. I have gotten the CT's done and the PICC line is placed. The xrays have been taken to see that it's in its proper place... and now I wait. Nobody is around me right now... they are all on their way though. It's really weird to think that I have a tube running through my arm into my chest. So So So So yeah. Clear liquids only for me for quite some time now... I hope that I get use to it.
On the list tonight... COLONOSCOPY PREP! Yay for me! I hope that it goes quickly. I think that I am done writing for now... I need to sleep or something...
On the list tonight... COLONOSCOPY PREP! Yay for me! I hope that it goes quickly. I think that I am done writing for now... I need to sleep or something...
Monday Afternoon... The plan for today is known
So I got here this morning around 730am... It's currently around 140pm and I just found out the entire plan for the day. Currently I am drinking an INSANE amount of contrast so they can do a CT on my entire torso. When I say insane, I really mean it. I have 3 450ml bottles that I have to drink in 30 minutes. And this stuff SUCKS! It's a cross between lemon lime jello, club soda, and chalk. I am hoping that this is all worth it in the end and they can actually see something when they get in there and look. I'm just glad that it's CT's and not MRI's. I hate being in the enclosed machines! Not that I am clostrophobic or anything... I just don't like the sounds of the magnets swirling around my head. It's all worth it in the end though if I get answers and relief.
When I get back from that... they are going to put a PICC line in my arm. From this they are going to give me nurtition for the next couple weeks as they attempt to give my bowels a rest. They will also use this line to pull all my labs and push all my meds for the next little bit from. It kinda scares me because it's a pretty long line they have to feed into my arm so that it sits in one of the main arteries next to my heart. That's a little scary to think about. I know that they do this all the time and all that jazz... but this is the first time that I will be having this done. I have a lot of questions that I will be asking when the nurse comes to do it.
Now time to go to CT.... See you all in a bit
When I get back from that... they are going to put a PICC line in my arm. From this they are going to give me nurtition for the next couple weeks as they attempt to give my bowels a rest. They will also use this line to pull all my labs and push all my meds for the next little bit from. It kinda scares me because it's a pretty long line they have to feed into my arm so that it sits in one of the main arteries next to my heart. That's a little scary to think about. I know that they do this all the time and all that jazz... but this is the first time that I will be having this done. I have a lot of questions that I will be asking when the nurse comes to do it.
Now time to go to CT.... See you all in a bit
Monday.... Just got to the hospital
So I am finally in the hospital. For once I would love to go a year without being in the hospital. But that is the unfortunate thing about being in my postition. They haven't had any luck with Pharmacueticals in controlling my disease. I am glad that I have found a doctor that is working very hard to try and make me feel better. I have also become a better patient. One of the biggest mistakes that I use to make was that I would take some things for granted. Even the little changes in what your body is doing matters, and your doctor can't help with something that they don't know about.
Here's what I do know at this point.......... Absolutely nothing! I am sitting here and don't know what they have planned for me. I know that what the doctor and I talked about last week was that they would tap a main line that they would feed me from for a while and also do some CT scans on practically everything today and I have a colonoscopy scheduled tomorrow along with some other tests and such. I hope to know more about what is really happening with my disease by Wednesday and have answers on what the next steps are by Friday. If this all happens or not... I am not so sure... but I am trying to keep positive!
Thank you all for reading. I know I will be posting a lot on here throughout the week, so please stop by whenever and check it all out
Here's what I do know at this point.......... Absolutely nothing! I am sitting here and don't know what they have planned for me. I know that what the doctor and I talked about last week was that they would tap a main line that they would feed me from for a while and also do some CT scans on practically everything today and I have a colonoscopy scheduled tomorrow along with some other tests and such. I hope to know more about what is really happening with my disease by Wednesday and have answers on what the next steps are by Friday. If this all happens or not... I am not so sure... but I am trying to keep positive!
Thank you all for reading. I know I will be posting a lot on here throughout the week, so please stop by whenever and check it all out
27 August 2009
Still trying to wrap my head around this....
So I went to see my doctors yesterday. First was a check up with my Rhumeotologist so he could check up on my back and see how the Humira was working toward releaving the pain from my Arthritis. He wasn't happy to hear that I was still in pain. From what he saw in my bloodwork and such, the thought that I should be feeling the relief by now... but alas no. So he wants to give it another 5 weeks and see how I feel before trying to determin if it is mechanical instead of muscular. Until then I get to stay on the Fentanyl patches so I can actually go about my day. I absolutely HATE being on pain meds all the time. Most of the time they don't really do anything to me outside just making the pain go away, but every now and again it will hit me and I don't know which way is up! It's the worst when it happens at work and I actually need to focus on something important. Anyways, I hope that this gets better soon! I can't take much more of not being able to get through the day without back pain
So right after I saw the Rhumeotologist, I went down and saw my GI. He wanted to see me because my body was falling apart and I called him to tell him that earlier this week.
So right after I saw the Rhumeotologist, I went down and saw my GI. He wanted to see me because my body was falling apart and I called him to tell him that earlier this week.
20 August 2009
Well... So Much for that thought....
A week or so back I reported that things were looking up again. Well... that just goes to show how quickly things change when it comes to my health and such.
I went and saw the doctor last week in hopes that I could start to taper off this F***ing prednisone that I have been on for way too long, and that's not going to happen quite yet. He put me on to some anitbiotics in hopes to help my body out as it is trying to keep the inflamation under control. One I have been on a couple of times before, and doesn't do anything to me except make me constantly thirsty. The other is a completely new one to me... and it is KICKING MY ASS!!! I don't know if anyone is familiar to the joys of taking Cipro, but if you are not, DO YOUR BEST TO KEEP IT THAT WAY! This is some extreme stuff! They use it for people that have had possible exposure to Anthrax. I know there's always a reason for everything that my doctor does, and he takes into account the possible side effects in compairison to the desired outcome and decides it's worth the risk... but this stuff is really messing with me! Between the return of my Tendonitis and the joint pain, it's causing a major care of insomnia!
Here's a prime example... It's now 2am. Normally I would have been asleep for at least a couple of hours by now... but NO! My body is absolutely spent, my bones and joints ache, my muscles are sore, my bowels are killing me... but my mind is running a million miles a minute and not letting me settle down. All I want to do is get some sleep... and I can't even get that done. Let me tell you my friends.... as some of you know IBD SUX!!!
I went and saw the doctor last week in hopes that I could start to taper off this F***ing prednisone that I have been on for way too long, and that's not going to happen quite yet. He put me on to some anitbiotics in hopes to help my body out as it is trying to keep the inflamation under control. One I have been on a couple of times before, and doesn't do anything to me except make me constantly thirsty. The other is a completely new one to me... and it is KICKING MY ASS!!! I don't know if anyone is familiar to the joys of taking Cipro, but if you are not, DO YOUR BEST TO KEEP IT THAT WAY! This is some extreme stuff! They use it for people that have had possible exposure to Anthrax. I know there's always a reason for everything that my doctor does, and he takes into account the possible side effects in compairison to the desired outcome and decides it's worth the risk... but this stuff is really messing with me! Between the return of my Tendonitis and the joint pain, it's causing a major care of insomnia!
Here's a prime example... It's now 2am. Normally I would have been asleep for at least a couple of hours by now... but NO! My body is absolutely spent, my bones and joints ache, my muscles are sore, my bowels are killing me... but my mind is running a million miles a minute and not letting me settle down. All I want to do is get some sleep... and I can't even get that done. Let me tell you my friends.... as some of you know IBD SUX!!!
13 August 2009
It's been a while since I updated this blog, so I thought that I would as I sit here and wait for the next bus to come by.
Life is interesting for me right now. I have a lot of things going on in my life and no time to make sense of any of them.
This past weekend was the Get Your Guts In Gear Ride for Crohn's and Colitis. It was an absolutely amazing experience that I wish to repeat for many years to come! I always meet some great people working this event, and hook back up with long time friends. The community built around this ride is absolutely amazing and they have been the greatest support group that I could have ever wished for! My Father rode for me this year as I was unable to get clearance from my doctors to participate. My body is doing better than it was a couple of months ago... but I am still a long way from being healthy again. I have to thank him for taking on that task for me! I was so dissapointed when the doctors told me that I couldn't ride this year because I had really gotten my hopes up and started my training, only for them to tell me that it might do more damage in the long term for me to participate. I love that community and will continue to do anything they need me to do to advance the cause
Work is getting Crazy again. For those that don't know... I work for MOViN 92.5 here in Seattle. Everyone is taking vacations this time of the year which means shuffling the schedule around to accomidate the needs of the station with the available staff. This always leads to me working some pretty f'd hours to make sure we have jocks on the air in the shifts that need them. I don't mind too much, it gives me airtime and I have a lot of fun with it. It drives me crazy some times, but I love my job and wouldn't imagine being happy doing ANYTHING else.
Kids grow up WAY too fast. It seems just like yesterday that Amber was in 2nd grade and Elijah was just born, sleeping in my arms in the hospital room. I was sooo terrified holding him at night, scared that I would fall asleep and drop him and not even realize it till he started screaming. Now Amber is heading into 5th grade (in the challenge program also!) and Elijah is almost a year old and starting to attempt to walk around. I blink and they grow up. Next thing you know She'll be bringing home guys to meet the parents and he'll be hiding his girlfriends from us so that we don't embarrass him in front of them.
Outside of that... Life seems to be good! I hope that this new course of medications that they have me on will help and get me back to where I need to be.
Much love for now!
Life is interesting for me right now. I have a lot of things going on in my life and no time to make sense of any of them.
This past weekend was the Get Your Guts In Gear Ride for Crohn's and Colitis. It was an absolutely amazing experience that I wish to repeat for many years to come! I always meet some great people working this event, and hook back up with long time friends. The community built around this ride is absolutely amazing and they have been the greatest support group that I could have ever wished for! My Father rode for me this year as I was unable to get clearance from my doctors to participate. My body is doing better than it was a couple of months ago... but I am still a long way from being healthy again. I have to thank him for taking on that task for me! I was so dissapointed when the doctors told me that I couldn't ride this year because I had really gotten my hopes up and started my training, only for them to tell me that it might do more damage in the long term for me to participate. I love that community and will continue to do anything they need me to do to advance the cause
Work is getting Crazy again. For those that don't know... I work for MOViN 92.5 here in Seattle. Everyone is taking vacations this time of the year which means shuffling the schedule around to accomidate the needs of the station with the available staff. This always leads to me working some pretty f'd hours to make sure we have jocks on the air in the shifts that need them. I don't mind too much, it gives me airtime and I have a lot of fun with it. It drives me crazy some times, but I love my job and wouldn't imagine being happy doing ANYTHING else.
Kids grow up WAY too fast. It seems just like yesterday that Amber was in 2nd grade and Elijah was just born, sleeping in my arms in the hospital room. I was sooo terrified holding him at night, scared that I would fall asleep and drop him and not even realize it till he started screaming. Now Amber is heading into 5th grade (in the challenge program also!) and Elijah is almost a year old and starting to attempt to walk around. I blink and they grow up. Next thing you know She'll be bringing home guys to meet the parents and he'll be hiding his girlfriends from us so that we don't embarrass him in front of them.
Outside of that... Life seems to be good! I hope that this new course of medications that they have me on will help and get me back to where I need to be.
Much love for now!
02 August 2009
It's the middle of the night and I am working.... Gotta love my JOB!
One of the things that I love the most about my job is that it is never the same from week to week. There is always something new and different happening around the office that makes every day just a ton of fun!
This weeks fun times are all around Vacations. I wish it was mine... but that comes soon enough. When
06 July 2009
random thoughts on a Monday Morning
Good Morning World!
This post won't really have a particular direction that it is going in, but I have a bunch of random things on my mind that I want to get down somewhere, so here it is...
First: We are one month away from the Get Your Guts In Gear Seattle Ride! I am starting to get really excited! I will be crewing this year, so it will be a lot of fun for me, but I am still a little dissapointed that I will not be riding. Well at least with this much time to plan, I can have a lot of fun this year! I am considering packing up the DJ gear for the weekend and taking it along! It would be so much fun to spin everyday at lunch and be in a more constant contact with the riders. We'll see all the riders in 1 short month!
USA soccer... What can I say, the Brazil match in the Confederations cup has to be the most exciting game that I have seen them play in a long time! I really do hope that that was a preview of the level of play that they will be bringing to the table for the World Cup next year in South Africa. Tim Howard is well on his way of filling the shoes left behind by Kasey Keller and it is a pleasure to watch him in goal. A couple of Sounders FC players got the call to play on the team for the Gold Cup matches this past weekend so here's to hoping they get a slot on the final 18 man roster for the cup next year. Watching the Gold Cup match against Grenada was funny at best. Watching Grenada stumble around the field, and having a keeper that didn't look any better than me, was a great pick me up. Hopefully we can make better teams look that stupid soon.
The 4th of July was fun. I spent it out at my fathers house with a bunch of his coworkers enjoying a beautiful day. I wish that I would have known more people there so that I could have had more people to talk to, but I managed to get by. They dug a pit out in the back corner of his yard and did a whole pig in the ground. That was AWESOME!!! It was so delicious, and I'm still eating on it. (I took an entire hotel pan of pig home with me at the end of the night) I thought that my son would have a problem with all the explosions and such, but he loved watching the colors and shapes. It was just the howling types that he got a little scared of. I was impressed. Just like daddy, he has very sensitive hearing, but can hear things that I didn't think he could. Maybe he'll follow daddy into the music industry. I very much enjoyed spending the day with my father and his wife. We don't get to do that often enough. I know that there is a lot of tension inside the family because of this or that, but I try not to get involved with it as I just don't want it to get in the way of the relationship that my family and I have with him. I don't spend enough time with him and his wife, and would spend more if I had a vehicle to make it happen more often. That's my new goal for the year, get reliable transportation so that I can go see the parents and family more often.
Now on to my favorite sport to watch F1. I have to say that the drama needs to end! FOTA and the FIA finally found common ground, now it's time to get back to the business of racing! Now if I were a voting member of the FIA, the idiot Max Mosley would have been gone a long time ago. He has brought a lot of embarassment to the establishment for too long, and the instance that the FOTA said that they wanted him out or they were gone, he would have been canned! Bernie and the FOM aren't doing much better. It is absolutely rediculous that the 2nd largest market for F1 (North America) doesn't have a race on the calendar for either 2009 or 2010. I think someone needs to check ol' Bernies pockets to see why there are all these new races in Asia, but nothing in North America. Bernie and Max, do the racing world a favor, DISAPPEAR!
If you are looking for a great show to watch, I highly recommend Mad Men on AMC. It's set in 1960's NY and follows the lifes of advertising executives on Madison Ave. It's interesting stuff. I have to say that some things seem a little overdone, but overall a great story. Give it a watch if you need something to kill some time.
I now kinda have an idea of what it was like for my mother in the summers. Growing up I lived with my mother and spent weekends with my father. During the summer, because of the lack of need to be one place to get to school, we would spend longer amounts of time with my father. Well these last couple weeks, my daughter has been spending time away for one reason or another. At first it was pretty cool to have the time with my wife and the quiet around the house. Now I miss her not being there. It gets way too quiet around the house and its a little eerie. That's alright, we'll just have to have more fun when she gets home.
Well there are my random thought for the day. Hopefully you are all having a great day.
This post won't really have a particular direction that it is going in, but I have a bunch of random things on my mind that I want to get down somewhere, so here it is...
First: We are one month away from the Get Your Guts In Gear Seattle Ride! I am starting to get really excited! I will be crewing this year, so it will be a lot of fun for me, but I am still a little dissapointed that I will not be riding. Well at least with this much time to plan, I can have a lot of fun this year! I am considering packing up the DJ gear for the weekend and taking it along! It would be so much fun to spin everyday at lunch and be in a more constant contact with the riders. We'll see all the riders in 1 short month!
USA soccer... What can I say, the Brazil match in the Confederations cup has to be the most exciting game that I have seen them play in a long time! I really do hope that that was a preview of the level of play that they will be bringing to the table for the World Cup next year in South Africa. Tim Howard is well on his way of filling the shoes left behind by Kasey Keller and it is a pleasure to watch him in goal. A couple of Sounders FC players got the call to play on the team for the Gold Cup matches this past weekend so here's to hoping they get a slot on the final 18 man roster for the cup next year. Watching the Gold Cup match against Grenada was funny at best. Watching Grenada stumble around the field, and having a keeper that didn't look any better than me, was a great pick me up. Hopefully we can make better teams look that stupid soon.
The 4th of July was fun. I spent it out at my fathers house with a bunch of his coworkers enjoying a beautiful day. I wish that I would have known more people there so that I could have had more people to talk to, but I managed to get by. They dug a pit out in the back corner of his yard and did a whole pig in the ground. That was AWESOME!!! It was so delicious, and I'm still eating on it. (I took an entire hotel pan of pig home with me at the end of the night) I thought that my son would have a problem with all the explosions and such, but he loved watching the colors and shapes. It was just the howling types that he got a little scared of. I was impressed. Just like daddy, he has very sensitive hearing, but can hear things that I didn't think he could. Maybe he'll follow daddy into the music industry. I very much enjoyed spending the day with my father and his wife. We don't get to do that often enough. I know that there is a lot of tension inside the family because of this or that, but I try not to get involved with it as I just don't want it to get in the way of the relationship that my family and I have with him. I don't spend enough time with him and his wife, and would spend more if I had a vehicle to make it happen more often. That's my new goal for the year, get reliable transportation so that I can go see the parents and family more often.
Now on to my favorite sport to watch F1. I have to say that the drama needs to end! FOTA and the FIA finally found common ground, now it's time to get back to the business of racing! Now if I were a voting member of the FIA, the idiot Max Mosley would have been gone a long time ago. He has brought a lot of embarassment to the establishment for too long, and the instance that the FOTA said that they wanted him out or they were gone, he would have been canned! Bernie and the FOM aren't doing much better. It is absolutely rediculous that the 2nd largest market for F1 (North America) doesn't have a race on the calendar for either 2009 or 2010. I think someone needs to check ol' Bernies pockets to see why there are all these new races in Asia, but nothing in North America. Bernie and Max, do the racing world a favor, DISAPPEAR!
If you are looking for a great show to watch, I highly recommend Mad Men on AMC. It's set in 1960's NY and follows the lifes of advertising executives on Madison Ave. It's interesting stuff. I have to say that some things seem a little overdone, but overall a great story. Give it a watch if you need something to kill some time.
I now kinda have an idea of what it was like for my mother in the summers. Growing up I lived with my mother and spent weekends with my father. During the summer, because of the lack of need to be one place to get to school, we would spend longer amounts of time with my father. Well these last couple weeks, my daughter has been spending time away for one reason or another. At first it was pretty cool to have the time with my wife and the quiet around the house. Now I miss her not being there. It gets way too quiet around the house and its a little eerie. That's alright, we'll just have to have more fun when she gets home.
Well there are my random thought for the day. Hopefully you are all having a great day.
01 July 2009
Life is Good.... Why Do I let myself get down like that...
Couple of things first.
There is a great local article in The Enterprise newspaper today about me, my father, and the GYGIG ride here in Seattle. You should give it a read, the author did a great job with it.
http://www.enterprisenewspapers.com/article/20090701/ETP03/707019882&template=ETPart
Also I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you that have reached out in the last couple weeks. I let myself get too down and all of you helped me realize that things are a lot better than I was allowing myself to see it. Thank you all so very much! I appreciate every one of you more than you could ever believe.
As for my last post.... Here's what I have to say about it.
I have read and reread it a million times now, and I can't say that anything in it was untrue only on the basis of that is how I felt when I wrote it. I know that this surprised a lot of people, because I am normally a very upbeat kind of person. The truth is I have been hurting for a while now. Some of the time the upbeat person that you see is mearly a facade. I internalize way too much and I know that, but having done it for so long, I am not sure how to even start changing the way I deal with things. I internalize way too much and I know that it doesn't help anything. I have taken a lot of time to talk to people about what is happening, and have started working through some of the issues that I had let build up. Overall I think that I am doing better mentally today than I was doing when I wrote that post.
As for the ride... this yo-yo of a year continues! I have been instructed once again that I can not ride, this time by my Rhuemotoligist. It turns out that my crohn's has caused me to develope inflammatory arthristis in my back. This frustrates me a ton, as I wanted sooo badly to ride this year. I don't see it as a failure on my part anymore, but as a huge dissapointment to me as this is a goal of mine. I will do it one day... it just may take a while for my body to agree with me.
On the absolute plus side for me, my father has taken up the challenge and riding in my place! I can not begin to tell you how happy I am that he has decided to do this! I know the momumental task that this is for him and I thank him for doing it for me! I will be right beside him helping him out all along the route! So please if you feel like donating... donate toward his ride, he needs all the help we can give him! Matthew Weatherhogg is his name, and I don't know what his rider number is, but that's ok.
Until we meet again!
There is a great local article in The Enterprise newspaper today about me, my father, and the GYGIG ride here in Seattle. You should give it a read, the author did a great job with it.
http://www.enterprisenewspapers.com/article/20090701/ETP03/707019882&template=ETPart
Also I want to say a HUGE THANK YOU to all of you that have reached out in the last couple weeks. I let myself get too down and all of you helped me realize that things are a lot better than I was allowing myself to see it. Thank you all so very much! I appreciate every one of you more than you could ever believe.
As for my last post.... Here's what I have to say about it.
I have read and reread it a million times now, and I can't say that anything in it was untrue only on the basis of that is how I felt when I wrote it. I know that this surprised a lot of people, because I am normally a very upbeat kind of person. The truth is I have been hurting for a while now. Some of the time the upbeat person that you see is mearly a facade. I internalize way too much and I know that, but having done it for so long, I am not sure how to even start changing the way I deal with things. I internalize way too much and I know that it doesn't help anything. I have taken a lot of time to talk to people about what is happening, and have started working through some of the issues that I had let build up. Overall I think that I am doing better mentally today than I was doing when I wrote that post.
As for the ride... this yo-yo of a year continues! I have been instructed once again that I can not ride, this time by my Rhuemotoligist. It turns out that my crohn's has caused me to develope inflammatory arthristis in my back. This frustrates me a ton, as I wanted sooo badly to ride this year. I don't see it as a failure on my part anymore, but as a huge dissapointment to me as this is a goal of mine. I will do it one day... it just may take a while for my body to agree with me.
On the absolute plus side for me, my father has taken up the challenge and riding in my place! I can not begin to tell you how happy I am that he has decided to do this! I know the momumental task that this is for him and I thank him for doing it for me! I will be right beside him helping him out all along the route! So please if you feel like donating... donate toward his ride, he needs all the help we can give him! Matthew Weatherhogg is his name, and I don't know what his rider number is, but that's ok.
Until we meet again!
22 June 2009
Warning.... Reality inside. Read at your own risk
Disclaimer: I am writing this late at night going on day 3 without sleep. I really shouldn't publish this, but I told myself that if I was going to start this blog and really keep people informed on how I was doing and what this disease is doing to me, that I needed to be honest and not sugar coat what was really happening. I apologize in advance for some of the language, if I had maybe gotten some sleep before writing this I could have been a little more creative with what I was saying insted of using the language that I did.
this has to be the worst that I have ever felt. I am failing and I am about to crack! Does anyone notice? No. If they haven't noticed by now, they never will. Everyone is just fucking oblivious to what is happening. Either that or they really don't care. Everyone is so worried about how my body is doing... what has the disease done to the machine that keeps me producing and paying the bills. Fuck what this disease has done to my head. It's a physical disease, how could it possibly do anything to mess with my head? How could anything be mentally wrong with me? I am still cohearant, still producing great ideas, still paying the bills, still making other peoples lives easy, still making people happy. There's no way in hell that anything can be wrong with someone who can do all that and still make it out of bed in the morning. It's when I stop producing, stop making life easy, stop paying the bills, that people finally realize that's somethings wrong. No, I need to correct that statement because it was incomplete. It's when these things are the result of me hospitalizing myself that people finally realize that something was wrong. But even then they think it's the disease. They don't even ask the question about my head. My head is alright, there's no way that it's not! It's just his body, that's all it is! Ignorance must be bliss!
Physically my body is in the worst shape that it's ever been. There isn't a day that I don't hurt. If it's not my bowels, it's my back which is all fucked with what they think is inflammatory arthritis from my crohn's, or it's my knee or hip which I've had tendonitis in since I was 18, or its a migrane that are a family trait, or it's some other form of muscle ache or joint pain from me just trying to get through life. I constantly take something for the pain, but that doesn't really help. All it does is delay what I feel or make me so fucked up that I have a hard time concentrating on the task at hand that it's easier for me to work in pain than deal with the fuzzy work I do produce when I am on that shit. So it's a choice between living in pain or not being able to live a normal life because I am too stoned to know what the fuck is going on. And here's a word of advice for you... don't mix pain pills and energy drinks/shots. That is one fucked feeling that I wouldn't even recommend to the biggest of junkies! I did it one day because I was in a ton of pain but absolutely needed to be alert for some meetings. I thought that would be the best solution. Well I was there and alert... but the side effects were fucked up!
Mentally, I am more fucked than I am physically. I am so well beyond gone that I feel like a robot. that's all I really am anyways... a money making robot that every now and again needs to be sent to the mechanics (hospital) for a tune up to get back out there producing and making the money again. My needs don't matter. My mental state of mind doesn't matter. My happiness doesn't matter. My mental well being doesn't matter. Just keep producing. Keep the family happy. That's all that anyone really cares about. Keeping the next generation happy. Keep the wife happy so she can raise the kids to be happy. Keep the family happy, that's all that society cares about. The daddy doesn't matter, as long as he produces. Keep a roof over their heads... keep food in their bellies... keep the heat and lights on... keep them healthy and able to learn so they can grow up to do whatever it is that they feel like doing... keep them all happy... that's all that matters.
What can really be done about this... Nothing! I know that I am in control of my life, but I have painted myself into this corner. I'm the one that decided to take on the responsibility of 2 kids. I am the one that allows my wife not to work as we barely scrape by most months. I am the one that sacrifices what is best for him for what is best for the group/family. I am the one that allows people to walk all over me and take advantage of my good will. So who can I really blame but myself? I created the world that I live in. Now I am forced to actually live in it. That's what is suppose to happen. You're suppose to live the life you create. Aparently this is the life that I created, so I am living it. Day by day. Night by night. Waiting for something to change... but it won't... nobody wants it to! That would mean that there's must be something wrong with Daniel... and that's not possible!
I would say FML.... but I created it... I have nobody to blame but myself...
this has to be the worst that I have ever felt. I am failing and I am about to crack! Does anyone notice? No. If they haven't noticed by now, they never will. Everyone is just fucking oblivious to what is happening. Either that or they really don't care. Everyone is so worried about how my body is doing... what has the disease done to the machine that keeps me producing and paying the bills. Fuck what this disease has done to my head. It's a physical disease, how could it possibly do anything to mess with my head? How could anything be mentally wrong with me? I am still cohearant, still producing great ideas, still paying the bills, still making other peoples lives easy, still making people happy. There's no way in hell that anything can be wrong with someone who can do all that and still make it out of bed in the morning. It's when I stop producing, stop making life easy, stop paying the bills, that people finally realize that's somethings wrong. No, I need to correct that statement because it was incomplete. It's when these things are the result of me hospitalizing myself that people finally realize that something was wrong. But even then they think it's the disease. They don't even ask the question about my head. My head is alright, there's no way that it's not! It's just his body, that's all it is! Ignorance must be bliss!
Physically my body is in the worst shape that it's ever been. There isn't a day that I don't hurt. If it's not my bowels, it's my back which is all fucked with what they think is inflammatory arthritis from my crohn's, or it's my knee or hip which I've had tendonitis in since I was 18, or its a migrane that are a family trait, or it's some other form of muscle ache or joint pain from me just trying to get through life. I constantly take something for the pain, but that doesn't really help. All it does is delay what I feel or make me so fucked up that I have a hard time concentrating on the task at hand that it's easier for me to work in pain than deal with the fuzzy work I do produce when I am on that shit. So it's a choice between living in pain or not being able to live a normal life because I am too stoned to know what the fuck is going on. And here's a word of advice for you... don't mix pain pills and energy drinks/shots. That is one fucked feeling that I wouldn't even recommend to the biggest of junkies! I did it one day because I was in a ton of pain but absolutely needed to be alert for some meetings. I thought that would be the best solution. Well I was there and alert... but the side effects were fucked up!
Mentally, I am more fucked than I am physically. I am so well beyond gone that I feel like a robot. that's all I really am anyways... a money making robot that every now and again needs to be sent to the mechanics (hospital) for a tune up to get back out there producing and making the money again. My needs don't matter. My mental state of mind doesn't matter. My happiness doesn't matter. My mental well being doesn't matter. Just keep producing. Keep the family happy. That's all that anyone really cares about. Keeping the next generation happy. Keep the wife happy so she can raise the kids to be happy. Keep the family happy, that's all that society cares about. The daddy doesn't matter, as long as he produces. Keep a roof over their heads... keep food in their bellies... keep the heat and lights on... keep them healthy and able to learn so they can grow up to do whatever it is that they feel like doing... keep them all happy... that's all that matters.
What can really be done about this... Nothing! I know that I am in control of my life, but I have painted myself into this corner. I'm the one that decided to take on the responsibility of 2 kids. I am the one that allows my wife not to work as we barely scrape by most months. I am the one that sacrifices what is best for him for what is best for the group/family. I am the one that allows people to walk all over me and take advantage of my good will. So who can I really blame but myself? I created the world that I live in. Now I am forced to actually live in it. That's what is suppose to happen. You're suppose to live the life you create. Aparently this is the life that I created, so I am living it. Day by day. Night by night. Waiting for something to change... but it won't... nobody wants it to! That would mean that there's must be something wrong with Daniel... and that's not possible!
I would say FML.... but I created it... I have nobody to blame but myself...
18 June 2009
Today started out so good.....
I don't know why it surprises me that a day that started out so well ended so shitty.
17 June 2009
Back on the bike again! YAY!!!
Finally!!! A huge weight has been lifted off of my head. All of my doctors got together yesterday to talk about my treatment and they finally gave me some good news. While I have a lot of work to be done to get me back into tip top shape again, they think that I can absolutely work out again and so some training! This isn't without very specific rules though, which I don't mind one bit. 1) I take it easy 2) The second that I become tired, I stop 3) I stay well hydrated and 4) I don't work out 2 days in a row for at least a couple of weeks. I think that I can totally obey those rules. And with that I can get it out of my head that I failed.
I don't know why I kept thinking that I failed if I didn't ride this year. For some damn reason I couldn't shake that feeling. Now I can attempt to lay that to rest! With so little time left to train, and the completely deteriorated nature of my body, I don't know that I can complete my training as well as I would like to, but I am going to make a valliant attempt to make it happen.
Now time to get to work making it all happen!
Thank you all for your support and donations! I am forever truely grateful!
I don't know why I kept thinking that I failed if I didn't ride this year. For some damn reason I couldn't shake that feeling. Now I can attempt to lay that to rest! With so little time left to train, and the completely deteriorated nature of my body, I don't know that I can complete my training as well as I would like to, but I am going to make a valliant attempt to make it happen.
Now time to get to work making it all happen!
Thank you all for your support and donations! I am forever truely grateful!
15 June 2009
Totally wish I could have been there!
Great Quote that I read over the weekend "Friends are people that know everything about you, yet still like you" Don't know who to attribute that to, but its a great line anyways. Heard it from a good guy Bill Wixey, who is a local TV reporter who was recently diagnosed with Hodgskins Lymphoma and has started Chemo for it. He's currently writing a blog about his experiences, and it's inspiring stuff. You should check it out if you have a moment. blog.billwixey.com
This past weekend was the New York ride, and I totally wish I could have been there! I want to thank Hillary for keeping all of us that couldn't be there in the know through Twitter! It was nice to follow along with everything. Made me feel like I was there, kinda. I think I will have to tote the BlackBerry around with me this year and do the same!
Training is going.... well.... it's not going right now. I have been asked by my doctors to put it back on hold again. My body is torn up right now and the concern is that while by body is recovering from the training, it will be ignoring the inflamation in my colon and back thus perpetuating the problem. Although I do not like the idea of stepping down my training as I don't feel I have enough time as it is to do this, I understand where they are coming from and want to get better. Although I want to ride this year, I want to be around to ride for years to come!
I feel sooo old right now! I have more doctors looking into what's making me sick and hurt than my parents. I will say that I think that because I have so many, they are finally getting a good idea of the entirity of what's happening. Here's the latest update for anyone that cares about it. Saw my new Rheumatologist on Thursday of last week to find out what the hell is going on with all my back and joint pain. After seeing all my labs, and ordering a couple of xrays views that the other doctors hadn't, he came to the conclusion that I have inflamitory arthritis that is directly associated with my Crohn's. So with that diagnosis, I now know what is happening with everything. I am all flaired up, I have inflamation that has spread into my muscles and joints, and on top of it all they keep telling me I should find a therapist or get on to some form of SSRI to stablize my moods a bit because they are all concerned that I am depressed. Course of action... Put me on to Humira, continue on 30mg of Prednisone, add in Flaggyl, don't forget Prilosec, and top it off with a laundry list of suppliments including Calcium, Iron, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, oh and don't forget about the weekly infusions of Ferlocet. My pill organizer looks like my great grandfathers! The good news is that I am starting to think that we are getting somewhere with all of this. I have been sleeping better at night, not getting as tired in the middle of the day, and my appetite has seemed to return. Best of all I think I mBut ight be putting a couple of pounds back on this skinny frame of mine. I'm sure the doctors are happy to see that. Now if I can only convince them that taking all my blood for tests and labs isn't the best thing for my health..... LOL
I have to say that there was one aspect of training for this ride that I totally didn't anticipate at all, and that's the emotional strain that I have been putting on myself through this process. I'll admit that I am extremely hard on myself and have been pushing myself harder than I probably should be to get this going. That's also my nature though. I put a heavy mental load on myself this year to complete this task. The first year I didn't know about the ride till it was too late to even think about training, so I told myself "OK next year you will do this." Then the next year came along and I was in the hospital dealing with a flair up when training time came around, so my body told me "There's no way in hell that you are doing it this year!" so I sat back and crewed again. That compiled the mental load on myself to make it happen this year. Over the winter, by body gave out on me again and it forced me to start looking for different doctors. I really liked my last doc, but with nothing changing in years, I wondered if having a fresh set of eyes on the situation would be helpfull. Enter the great staff of doctors that I have now! They have been putting in a lot of work trying to figure this out and get me back on the path to good health again. I think now that we have it all figured out, we may be able to get me feeling good again. That would be a good thing for the future, as I have a family to think about now. But I am still hammering on myself about this! Why can't I get healthy enough to make this happen? It eats away at me constantly and I know it's all in my head. I know that I am not dissapointing anyone else if I don't ride. Hell I think that this year I would be yelled at more for attempting to ride than if I didn't. And I know that my family and friends wouldn't think any less of me if I didn't ride. But what eats away at me is that I would think less of MYSELF if I didn't ride this year. I know it makes me no less of a person if I don't ride this year, expecially considering that my doctors have told me not to. Yet in the back of my head it eats away at me, screaming that I failed. I don't deal well with failure, expecially when I have the ability to control it. I just can't get over that nagging feeling in the back of my head that I failed this year. And I don't know that there is anything that will get me over that except to just do it.
Oh the things that we put ourselves through.....
Well I really should get back to what I am suppose to be doing. Untill next time!
This past weekend was the New York ride, and I totally wish I could have been there! I want to thank Hillary for keeping all of us that couldn't be there in the know through Twitter! It was nice to follow along with everything. Made me feel like I was there, kinda. I think I will have to tote the BlackBerry around with me this year and do the same!
Training is going.... well.... it's not going right now. I have been asked by my doctors to put it back on hold again. My body is torn up right now and the concern is that while by body is recovering from the training, it will be ignoring the inflamation in my colon and back thus perpetuating the problem. Although I do not like the idea of stepping down my training as I don't feel I have enough time as it is to do this, I understand where they are coming from and want to get better. Although I want to ride this year, I want to be around to ride for years to come!
I feel sooo old right now! I have more doctors looking into what's making me sick and hurt than my parents. I will say that I think that because I have so many, they are finally getting a good idea of the entirity of what's happening. Here's the latest update for anyone that cares about it. Saw my new Rheumatologist on Thursday of last week to find out what the hell is going on with all my back and joint pain. After seeing all my labs, and ordering a couple of xrays views that the other doctors hadn't, he came to the conclusion that I have inflamitory arthritis that is directly associated with my Crohn's. So with that diagnosis, I now know what is happening with everything. I am all flaired up, I have inflamation that has spread into my muscles and joints, and on top of it all they keep telling me I should find a therapist or get on to some form of SSRI to stablize my moods a bit because they are all concerned that I am depressed. Course of action... Put me on to Humira, continue on 30mg of Prednisone, add in Flaggyl, don't forget Prilosec, and top it off with a laundry list of suppliments including Calcium, Iron, Vitamin D, Folic Acid, oh and don't forget about the weekly infusions of Ferlocet. My pill organizer looks like my great grandfathers! The good news is that I am starting to think that we are getting somewhere with all of this. I have been sleeping better at night, not getting as tired in the middle of the day, and my appetite has seemed to return. Best of all I think I mBut ight be putting a couple of pounds back on this skinny frame of mine. I'm sure the doctors are happy to see that. Now if I can only convince them that taking all my blood for tests and labs isn't the best thing for my health..... LOL
I have to say that there was one aspect of training for this ride that I totally didn't anticipate at all, and that's the emotional strain that I have been putting on myself through this process. I'll admit that I am extremely hard on myself and have been pushing myself harder than I probably should be to get this going. That's also my nature though. I put a heavy mental load on myself this year to complete this task. The first year I didn't know about the ride till it was too late to even think about training, so I told myself "OK next year you will do this." Then the next year came along and I was in the hospital dealing with a flair up when training time came around, so my body told me "There's no way in hell that you are doing it this year!" so I sat back and crewed again. That compiled the mental load on myself to make it happen this year. Over the winter, by body gave out on me again and it forced me to start looking for different doctors. I really liked my last doc, but with nothing changing in years, I wondered if having a fresh set of eyes on the situation would be helpfull. Enter the great staff of doctors that I have now! They have been putting in a lot of work trying to figure this out and get me back on the path to good health again. I think now that we have it all figured out, we may be able to get me feeling good again. That would be a good thing for the future, as I have a family to think about now. But I am still hammering on myself about this! Why can't I get healthy enough to make this happen? It eats away at me constantly and I know it's all in my head. I know that I am not dissapointing anyone else if I don't ride. Hell I think that this year I would be yelled at more for attempting to ride than if I didn't. And I know that my family and friends wouldn't think any less of me if I didn't ride. But what eats away at me is that I would think less of MYSELF if I didn't ride this year. I know it makes me no less of a person if I don't ride this year, expecially considering that my doctors have told me not to. Yet in the back of my head it eats away at me, screaming that I failed. I don't deal well with failure, expecially when I have the ability to control it. I just can't get over that nagging feeling in the back of my head that I failed this year. And I don't know that there is anything that will get me over that except to just do it.
Oh the things that we put ourselves through.....
Well I really should get back to what I am suppose to be doing. Untill next time!
05 June 2009
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!
Before I get into what's been happening with my training and all that jazz, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you that have taken the time to give this blog a read and reach into your pocket to support such an amazing cause! It really means a lot to me that you would help out even in such difficult financial times for the world. My hope is that through your help, one day, we will know what causes these diseases and find a cure for them. Then, maybe, I could spend less time in the doctors offices and more time out living life with my family and all of you amazing friends! Once again Thank You for all you have done to support me in this quest of mine. It means the world to me!
Like I said it would happen, I am updating this blog again from the infusion center of my doctors office. I don't know if this is a great way to start the week off or not, but it is what it is and I will learn to love it eventually. The nurses around here are great though. They have a great sense of humor and at least the walls aren't that nasty medical white that drives me insane. I really don't know why that color gets to me so much... but it does for some reason. I don't think it's because I have spent so much time in hospitals staring at it, because if that were true, the color of my office would drive me insane as I spend more time there than anywhere else really.
Training is going well, except that I took last week off by doctors orders. I have way too many doctors right now... although I am happy to have them. I am starting to come back around to feeling better so I hope that maybe they have figured something out. I don't know if these iron infusions are doing anything for me yet, but they tell me that my numbers were so low that it may take a couple weeks before I really notice anything.
As for training... wow it sucks! I haven't really had time to get out on the road and train, I have been doing all of it in the gym on a stationary bike on my lunch hours. I need to get out on the road soon. Maybe this weekend I'll take the bike down to Alki and ride around for a while. Anyone up for 10-15 miles this weekend? I don't think I could do any more than that right now. At this pace I hope I can be ready in time for the ride. I don't know that I will be able to complete the entire 210 miles, but I will certantly try. Doctors are pushing me to take it easy, so I am, but at this pace I won't have the proper training in to complete the ride. On a brighter note, I think I may have a riding partner this year! Talking with my father, he thinks he could make it happen and ride with me this year! I would be so stoked if he could! I have been so overwhelmed this year by the outreach my family has pulled this year. My wife, mother, and sister are joining the crew this year along with a coworker/friend will be on the Crew, along with a lot support from other family members. I keep trying to convince others to ride with me, but with time short, it's making it harder to do.
Well I really should be focusing on the task at hand right now... so I will go. Thank you all for your support and please reach out and chat if you feel like it!
Until next time!
Like I said it would happen, I am updating this blog again from the infusion center of my doctors office. I don't know if this is a great way to start the week off or not, but it is what it is and I will learn to love it eventually. The nurses around here are great though. They have a great sense of humor and at least the walls aren't that nasty medical white that drives me insane. I really don't know why that color gets to me so much... but it does for some reason. I don't think it's because I have spent so much time in hospitals staring at it, because if that were true, the color of my office would drive me insane as I spend more time there than anywhere else really.
Training is going well, except that I took last week off by doctors orders. I have way too many doctors right now... although I am happy to have them. I am starting to come back around to feeling better so I hope that maybe they have figured something out. I don't know if these iron infusions are doing anything for me yet, but they tell me that my numbers were so low that it may take a couple weeks before I really notice anything.
As for training... wow it sucks! I haven't really had time to get out on the road and train, I have been doing all of it in the gym on a stationary bike on my lunch hours. I need to get out on the road soon. Maybe this weekend I'll take the bike down to Alki and ride around for a while. Anyone up for 10-15 miles this weekend? I don't think I could do any more than that right now. At this pace I hope I can be ready in time for the ride. I don't know that I will be able to complete the entire 210 miles, but I will certantly try. Doctors are pushing me to take it easy, so I am, but at this pace I won't have the proper training in to complete the ride. On a brighter note, I think I may have a riding partner this year! Talking with my father, he thinks he could make it happen and ride with me this year! I would be so stoked if he could! I have been so overwhelmed this year by the outreach my family has pulled this year. My wife, mother, and sister are joining the crew this year along with a coworker/friend will be on the Crew, along with a lot support from other family members. I keep trying to convince others to ride with me, but with time short, it's making it harder to do.
Well I really should be focusing on the task at hand right now... so I will go. Thank you all for your support and please reach out and chat if you feel like it!
Until next time!
01 June 2009
Can't Think of a Title for this one.......
So we are another week closer to the ride, and once again I am updating you all on my progress from the doctors office. Lately I have been highly anemic, so the doctor has ordered me to receive iron infusions once a week for the next 8 weeks. More than likely you will be seeing more and more posts from the chairs here at the infusion center as we work on getting me into better shape for the ride, and more importantly, better shape for my family.
Training is going....... slow. I haven't spent a lot of time on the bike in the last week and it's all my own fault. Work is a little crazy for some reason. We are in a lul between major events, yet I feel like I have way too much going on to keep on top of things. I have had a lot more put on me to keep track of, and soon I will be without interns to help me. That's when life will get interesting for me around work... leaving me less time to sneak away at lunch to the Gym to get a bit of training in on the stationary bike during my lunch breaks. Soon I hope that I can be feeling well enough to start riding to and from work. It's a bit of a run from Factoria to Burien (actual miles I am not sure of, but I am sure I could look it up if I really wanted to) but I know the route very well and I know where the busses run along that route, so if it becomes too much I can hop on the bus and head home for the night. Both routes to and from work are beautiful to ride, both taking you along or over Lake Washington. Eventually I would love to be able to ride that both ways completely. Hopefully one day I will be able to do just that
Health wise, I don't know if I can say that I am doing better. Like I said at the top of this post, I am in the infusion center of my doctors office getting an iron infusion. (the first of many that he has planned for me) I hope they do what they say they will, as I have been easily exhausted lately and it's kinda starting to piss me off. I can't get through a normal day without feeling like I need a nap. The last bit of blood work that they did they told me my iron # was a 12. They say that a normal adult males # should be around 100. Now I don't have a clue what these #'s actually mean... but elementary math tells me that I am far away from where I need to be.
I HATE THIS!!! I know that I am doing a lot better than a lot of people in this world, and I try to take that into consideration when I am complaining to myself aobut what's going on, but I can't help but to be frustrated with what's been going on. I want to just live life and not feel like I am 60 years old. Hell I am just sitting here in the infusion chair and I am falling asleep. (not that I couldn't use the sleep, I'm just saying) I was out doing the yardwork this past weekend, and I couldn't even get through that without taking breaks. I work a desk job. I have a lot of mental tasks that go along with it, but it isn't even close to what you would think was a physically demanding job. Yet I find myself around 3pm everyday falling asleep at my desk. (good thing I don't take lunch till around then, I can close my office door and take a nap) .......
I have to stop this rant that I was going down. It doesn't help to bitch about it, and it doesn't fix anything, so I am going to stop wasting your time and mine. While yes, sometimes venting about emotional issues is a good thing, I find it to be a fruitless proposition that I don't like to get in to. (my doctor would tend to disagree with this...) I mean venting is a good thing and helps bring down stress levels and improves health and all that happy go lucky shit... but I feel bad venting about this.
I am a very fortunate being on this earth! I have a lovely wife, a great family, a roof over my head, food to eat, a great job that doesn't look like it's going anywhere anytime soon, and am up and mobile most of the time. Yes my health leaves something to be desired... but is that something to complain about? I am alive, I am moving, I am a productive member of society. Complaining about what's going wrong won't get me anywhere. Besides, you all have your own things to deal with without having mine piled on top.
I hope that you all are well, and that life has blessed you as much, if not more, than it has me. As always please feel free to reach out and contact me if you want to, I am always up for a good conversation.
Until we meet again.......
Training is going....... slow. I haven't spent a lot of time on the bike in the last week and it's all my own fault. Work is a little crazy for some reason. We are in a lul between major events, yet I feel like I have way too much going on to keep on top of things. I have had a lot more put on me to keep track of, and soon I will be without interns to help me. That's when life will get interesting for me around work... leaving me less time to sneak away at lunch to the Gym to get a bit of training in on the stationary bike during my lunch breaks. Soon I hope that I can be feeling well enough to start riding to and from work. It's a bit of a run from Factoria to Burien (actual miles I am not sure of, but I am sure I could look it up if I really wanted to) but I know the route very well and I know where the busses run along that route, so if it becomes too much I can hop on the bus and head home for the night. Both routes to and from work are beautiful to ride, both taking you along or over Lake Washington. Eventually I would love to be able to ride that both ways completely. Hopefully one day I will be able to do just that
Health wise, I don't know if I can say that I am doing better. Like I said at the top of this post, I am in the infusion center of my doctors office getting an iron infusion. (the first of many that he has planned for me) I hope they do what they say they will, as I have been easily exhausted lately and it's kinda starting to piss me off. I can't get through a normal day without feeling like I need a nap. The last bit of blood work that they did they told me my iron # was a 12. They say that a normal adult males # should be around 100. Now I don't have a clue what these #'s actually mean... but elementary math tells me that I am far away from where I need to be.
I HATE THIS!!! I know that I am doing a lot better than a lot of people in this world, and I try to take that into consideration when I am complaining to myself aobut what's going on, but I can't help but to be frustrated with what's been going on. I want to just live life and not feel like I am 60 years old. Hell I am just sitting here in the infusion chair and I am falling asleep. (not that I couldn't use the sleep, I'm just saying) I was out doing the yardwork this past weekend, and I couldn't even get through that without taking breaks. I work a desk job. I have a lot of mental tasks that go along with it, but it isn't even close to what you would think was a physically demanding job. Yet I find myself around 3pm everyday falling asleep at my desk. (good thing I don't take lunch till around then, I can close my office door and take a nap) .......
I have to stop this rant that I was going down. It doesn't help to bitch about it, and it doesn't fix anything, so I am going to stop wasting your time and mine. While yes, sometimes venting about emotional issues is a good thing, I find it to be a fruitless proposition that I don't like to get in to. (my doctor would tend to disagree with this...) I mean venting is a good thing and helps bring down stress levels and improves health and all that happy go lucky shit... but I feel bad venting about this.
I am a very fortunate being on this earth! I have a lovely wife, a great family, a roof over my head, food to eat, a great job that doesn't look like it's going anywhere anytime soon, and am up and mobile most of the time. Yes my health leaves something to be desired... but is that something to complain about? I am alive, I am moving, I am a productive member of society. Complaining about what's going wrong won't get me anywhere. Besides, you all have your own things to deal with without having mine piled on top.
I hope that you all are well, and that life has blessed you as much, if not more, than it has me. As always please feel free to reach out and contact me if you want to, I am always up for a good conversation.
Until we meet again.......
26 May 2009
Training has started... Let's hope I get in shape in time
So the good news is that my doctors have cleared me to start gradual training for the ride! After what seemed like a million x-rays, gallons of blood and days in the doctors offices, they tell me that I am not completely sick and should be able to tollerate training as long as I ease myself into it. That was the best news that I could have ever gotten from them. I have been kicking myself for the last couple years for not riding, and now I can actually make it happen.
Now the tuff part begins! Should be up for a couple longer training rides later next month... who's in?
Onto some different news. Late last week I put an update on my facebook that may have confused a few people. In it I said that I have had a lot of doctors that have told me a lot of information... but yet it is my newest one that scared me the most with what he had to say. I wanted to take a moment to let you all know what is happening and what it was that scares me.
I went in for a follow up with my GI last week, kind of an intermediate check-up with all the tests that have been happening and all the new medications that I have been on. It turns out that my Crohn's is a lot worse that any of us thought. After doing a Barium follow through and a ton of other x-rays and such, it seems that the disease has progressed into my small bowel much more than anyone had thought. This combined with the inflamation in my colon and the fistulas make things more complicated than he expected from what he thought things were. And that's not even the part that scares me.
During our conversation, he started talking about another doctor that he would like me to go see. This is nothing new to me, as I have been passed around from doctor to doctor before to get opinions or new views on a situation. It is why he is sending me to this person that scares me, and got my mind going a million miles an hour.
For the life of me, I can not remember what the doctor's name is. He is a professor at the UW and a GI that completely specializes in IBD. He is also the head of the research department when it comes to IBD and their clinical and drug trials. He's suppose to be the best in Washington when it comes to IBD and treatment and should know what can be done to help me out and possibly what drugs would work the best.
Why this scares me is more in my head than anything... but then again what's in your head leads a lot to how you feel and how you feel about getting better. Here's why it scares me. This guy is suppose to be the best in the state. My doctor wants to send me to him for care. This makes me think that either 1) my condition has become so advanced that he is the only one that can help me in the area or 2) this has become so complicated that this doctor doesn't think he can handle it. Do I think either is the case.... no, but those of you that have known me for a while know that I can take a situation and think of every possible outcome good or bad within about 30 seconds (that's one of the advantages that I have in my job... not so good for the personal life). So ever since he said that and told me how bad the Crohn's has gotten... my mind has been going a million miles an hour thinking of every possibility and what to do next. I have spent countless hours on the computer researching what all the possible outcomes are and trying to find out anything and everything about the drugs and such that are on the market or are coming up for approval, but nothing calms down my mind this time around. I think that a lot of it is that this time I'm married and have kids to think about now. For the longest time all I really had to think about was myself. I mean I had my family around me, but I wasn't living for someone else. That changes a lot in your mindset when you go from being single to being a family man. Now I can't think and talk about whats gonna get me to the next party... I have to think about what's gonna get me to my kids graduation and beyond. I never believed anyone that told me that marrage and kids change everything. Now I believe them. It's hard to even explain what's happened... but it's definately different.
Now the hard part begins. I am healthy enough to train and ride this year... but the disease is spreading... Hopefully I get some answers soon. If not... I will go into mental meltdown just from the overheating of the circuits. Hopefully that doesn't happen... my wife already has enough to deal with :D
Until next time... I will keep you all informed. Please hit me up if you got questions or just want to chat
-Daniel
Now the tuff part begins! Should be up for a couple longer training rides later next month... who's in?
Onto some different news. Late last week I put an update on my facebook that may have confused a few people. In it I said that I have had a lot of doctors that have told me a lot of information... but yet it is my newest one that scared me the most with what he had to say. I wanted to take a moment to let you all know what is happening and what it was that scares me.
I went in for a follow up with my GI last week, kind of an intermediate check-up with all the tests that have been happening and all the new medications that I have been on. It turns out that my Crohn's is a lot worse that any of us thought. After doing a Barium follow through and a ton of other x-rays and such, it seems that the disease has progressed into my small bowel much more than anyone had thought. This combined with the inflamation in my colon and the fistulas make things more complicated than he expected from what he thought things were. And that's not even the part that scares me.
During our conversation, he started talking about another doctor that he would like me to go see. This is nothing new to me, as I have been passed around from doctor to doctor before to get opinions or new views on a situation. It is why he is sending me to this person that scares me, and got my mind going a million miles an hour.
For the life of me, I can not remember what the doctor's name is. He is a professor at the UW and a GI that completely specializes in IBD. He is also the head of the research department when it comes to IBD and their clinical and drug trials. He's suppose to be the best in Washington when it comes to IBD and treatment and should know what can be done to help me out and possibly what drugs would work the best.
Why this scares me is more in my head than anything... but then again what's in your head leads a lot to how you feel and how you feel about getting better. Here's why it scares me. This guy is suppose to be the best in the state. My doctor wants to send me to him for care. This makes me think that either 1) my condition has become so advanced that he is the only one that can help me in the area or 2) this has become so complicated that this doctor doesn't think he can handle it. Do I think either is the case.... no, but those of you that have known me for a while know that I can take a situation and think of every possible outcome good or bad within about 30 seconds (that's one of the advantages that I have in my job... not so good for the personal life). So ever since he said that and told me how bad the Crohn's has gotten... my mind has been going a million miles an hour thinking of every possibility and what to do next. I have spent countless hours on the computer researching what all the possible outcomes are and trying to find out anything and everything about the drugs and such that are on the market or are coming up for approval, but nothing calms down my mind this time around. I think that a lot of it is that this time I'm married and have kids to think about now. For the longest time all I really had to think about was myself. I mean I had my family around me, but I wasn't living for someone else. That changes a lot in your mindset when you go from being single to being a family man. Now I can't think and talk about whats gonna get me to the next party... I have to think about what's gonna get me to my kids graduation and beyond. I never believed anyone that told me that marrage and kids change everything. Now I believe them. It's hard to even explain what's happened... but it's definately different.
Now the hard part begins. I am healthy enough to train and ride this year... but the disease is spreading... Hopefully I get some answers soon. If not... I will go into mental meltdown just from the overheating of the circuits. Hopefully that doesn't happen... my wife already has enough to deal with :D
Until next time... I will keep you all informed. Please hit me up if you got questions or just want to chat
-Daniel
18 May 2009
Another Week Closer... I will Ride this year
Another week passes... and we get another week closer to the ride. I'm starting to get a litttle nervous that I will not be able to complete my training as much as I would like to.
So today it was back at the doctors... but this time it was to see my GP for a physical and to get a couple of minor complaints looked at. I also needed to talk to him about my training for this ride and see if I could get his blessing to continue...
I didn't get it yet... but I think that I will be getting it soon. He ordered more x-rays to see what is happening with my knee and back, and as long as those come back clean he'll clear me to ride. Now I just hope that it all comes back clean so I can get back on the bike again! It's been really hard to put this on hold waiting for the doctors to get back to me.
This is my 3rd year working with GYGIG. The first year that I worked with them was the 2nd ride in Seattle. I found out about the ride way too late to try and train for it, so I immediately signed on to crew. That year I was hooked. It ranks as one of my most cherished memories ever. I wasn't doing too well going into that weekend. Stress had taken my body for a spin and I was trying to just push through. Fortunately for me everyone around me knew what was happening... they had see it too many times before. Having so many people around me supporting me, knowing what it is that I was going through and what they could do to help... it was an experience that I will never forget. I had been living with Crohn's for 4 years at that point and had NEVER had anyone know what was happening or what they could do outside of my doctors. From that moment on I was comitted to helping GYGIG and the community out in any way possible.
Year 2 rolls around and I want to ride. I start thinking about the training that would be required... and I find myself in the hospital. It was not a good start to the year. A flair up had completely decimated my body so I needed some time to let it recover and find out what damage was done. This completely took me out of the running for riding again. Once again I stepped up and still helped out where I could... but I kicked myself mentally all year for not being able to ride.
So sign ups started for this years' ride... and I was ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED that I was going to ride! I was not going to let my body do this to me again! Well in October I had to spend some time in the hospital again, this time it wasn't Crohn's related. I had a MRSA infection in my forehead that, when I went to get it taken care of, decided it wanted to start rapidly spreading throughout my face. Well after a Billion different anitbiotics, surgery to remove the infected tissue, and hospital time, it all took it's toll on my body again and I was back in the hospital for a flair a couple of months later. (why so long after.... I'm an idiot) I immediately started doing EVERYTHING that I could think of to get myself ready to ride. I started following a stricter diet, started playing soccer again (I'm a keeper so it's not a heavy workout for me but it was getting me back into moving again), and started doing everything that would put me in a position to be back on a bike in time to train. Thinks were looking like they are on track until I had to start looking into some other problems that I was having.
So right now I am in a holding pattern. I am still doing little things to try and get my body in a better position when the time comes that they release me to ride again. I will figure out a way to make it happen. Talking with my family over the weekend... they gave me a great idea.
This isn't a race... It's a Ride. It's a ride that'll raise a lot of awareness and needed funds for the Crohn's and UC communities. It's a ride that will allow me to prove to myself that this disease will not hold me back. It is a ride that will allow me to connect deeper into the community and help others that may be struggling with these diseases.
I will ride this year... even if all I can do is 20 miles a day... I will ride! I will not allow this disease to win again!
I thank you all for your support through this very difficult time in my life. I appreciate all of you immensly and hope that I will have the time to thank you all personally for all that you have done.
Until the next time...
Daniel
So today it was back at the doctors... but this time it was to see my GP for a physical and to get a couple of minor complaints looked at. I also needed to talk to him about my training for this ride and see if I could get his blessing to continue...
I didn't get it yet... but I think that I will be getting it soon. He ordered more x-rays to see what is happening with my knee and back, and as long as those come back clean he'll clear me to ride. Now I just hope that it all comes back clean so I can get back on the bike again! It's been really hard to put this on hold waiting for the doctors to get back to me.
This is my 3rd year working with GYGIG. The first year that I worked with them was the 2nd ride in Seattle. I found out about the ride way too late to try and train for it, so I immediately signed on to crew. That year I was hooked. It ranks as one of my most cherished memories ever. I wasn't doing too well going into that weekend. Stress had taken my body for a spin and I was trying to just push through. Fortunately for me everyone around me knew what was happening... they had see it too many times before. Having so many people around me supporting me, knowing what it is that I was going through and what they could do to help... it was an experience that I will never forget. I had been living with Crohn's for 4 years at that point and had NEVER had anyone know what was happening or what they could do outside of my doctors. From that moment on I was comitted to helping GYGIG and the community out in any way possible.
Year 2 rolls around and I want to ride. I start thinking about the training that would be required... and I find myself in the hospital. It was not a good start to the year. A flair up had completely decimated my body so I needed some time to let it recover and find out what damage was done. This completely took me out of the running for riding again. Once again I stepped up and still helped out where I could... but I kicked myself mentally all year for not being able to ride.
So sign ups started for this years' ride... and I was ABSOLUTELY DETERMINED that I was going to ride! I was not going to let my body do this to me again! Well in October I had to spend some time in the hospital again, this time it wasn't Crohn's related. I had a MRSA infection in my forehead that, when I went to get it taken care of, decided it wanted to start rapidly spreading throughout my face. Well after a Billion different anitbiotics, surgery to remove the infected tissue, and hospital time, it all took it's toll on my body again and I was back in the hospital for a flair a couple of months later. (why so long after.... I'm an idiot) I immediately started doing EVERYTHING that I could think of to get myself ready to ride. I started following a stricter diet, started playing soccer again (I'm a keeper so it's not a heavy workout for me but it was getting me back into moving again), and started doing everything that would put me in a position to be back on a bike in time to train. Thinks were looking like they are on track until I had to start looking into some other problems that I was having.
So right now I am in a holding pattern. I am still doing little things to try and get my body in a better position when the time comes that they release me to ride again. I will figure out a way to make it happen. Talking with my family over the weekend... they gave me a great idea.
This isn't a race... It's a Ride. It's a ride that'll raise a lot of awareness and needed funds for the Crohn's and UC communities. It's a ride that will allow me to prove to myself that this disease will not hold me back. It is a ride that will allow me to connect deeper into the community and help others that may be struggling with these diseases.
I will ride this year... even if all I can do is 20 miles a day... I will ride! I will not allow this disease to win again!
I thank you all for your support through this very difficult time in my life. I appreciate all of you immensly and hope that I will have the time to thank you all personally for all that you have done.
Until the next time...
Daniel
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)