Thursday Morning... Let's Get this over with

I'm sorry that I have not update this in a while now... every time that I go to start, I end up either having work to do or I get distracted by my family and just never get back to doing what I started. Also I really haven't felt a whole lot like writing about what's been happening...



I mean, I accept what's happening and I am ready for them to get the bad sections of my colon out and place the ostomy, but I haven't really taken the time to go thru my head and sort out the emotional side of this. Logic and such, I am ready and willing. Emotionally, I don't know what I am thinking or how I feel about this. I know that this is nothing to be ashamed of and that in the end if it makes me healthy again, who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks about it.



I really am having a hard time with this. I have been keeping my mind distracted so I didn't have to deal with it, but now with no more work and the procedures to begin here in just a couple hours, it makes it impossible to not address it anymore.



A little later this morning I am heading into my surgeons office so they can do an "Examination under Anestesia" so they can make a specific surgical plan. We know from all the other tests most of what needs to happen, but there are some questions that doctor has and doing this exam will allow him to be able to definiatively tell me what he's going to do. Gotta say that I am not looking forward to getting blown up like a baloon and have a camera poked around inside of me. A friend suggested I sell tickets or the pictures as a fundraiser. If I thought someone would acutally pay for it, I totally would! I ain't to proud to whore myself out for a great cause!


Well I need to go get in the shower and get this day started already. I will get on here later today and update you all on what's happening. I love you all and appreciate all the positive thoughts and prayers that have been coming my way! They are a source of inspiration and strength for me!