16 February 2010

I never knew I was wrong in feeling ashamed...

One of the really cool things about doing the Talkin 'Bout Guts podcast is that it allows me to talk to people I never thought I would be able to about things I would never have thought to ask. This last episode that we did with Kristin Knipp, president of the UOAA, was an eye opener for me. She was telling her story about her coming to terms with her ostomy, and she relayed a conversation that she had with her WOCN where she was told "you know, its ok to be angry"

Unlike her, I know that the emotion that I am feeling is anger, but I was not alright with it. I feel ashamed of my anger. I guess hearing all these great stories of great comebacks from crohns and ostomies actually was a bad thing for me. I built up unrealistic expectations in my head about how this was all going to happen. So when it didn't happen for me, I became very angry. Not just because I was not recovering and doing what every one else could, but because I felt failure in being able to take control over this disease.

But now I know... anger is just a part of dealing with this... and it's ok to be angry

I am absolutely angry right now.  Not only do I feel that the medical profession failed me for so long, but I feel that I failed myself for just as long.  

No comments:

Post a Comment