Tonight I spend my time working on a custom Christmas music mix for work. They use it at Christmas specific events through this time of the year. (Tree Lightings, Christmas Music Concerts, ect...) As I was working on this, I realized that this time that I spend working on this mix is the only time during the last couple years that I have been able to sit down and enjoy the music of the season. The rest of the time I am so focused on what's happening with the station that I don't have time to. This is a very busy time of year for me at work. Not only do I have to fill in around work for everyone that is out and about on vacations and such, we have to start planning out the next year of the station. So I sit here and listen to the entire 2 hour mix real time (normally after I finish a mix I speed through it to just hear the transitions to make sure it sounds fluid) so that I can have my bit of holiday music joy before I have to focus on reality again.
I hate that this year I have had to do this at night after I have left the office for the day, but what can I do about that...
I know, considering that it is almost 11pm and I am still healing from the surgery, I should be asleep. My attitude with that is... it's fucking pointless to try to sleep. Since I have tapered off the prednisone I have been even more restless. Now I don't know if it has something to do with that or the fact that I can not find a comfortable position to sleep in since surgery, but it is getting recockulous. Even the Ambien that they prescribed me doesn't work anymore. (and I am already on the max dose of it)
I know that everyone is telling me that I need to stay positive like I have been, but what if I don't want to anymore? It's fucking EXHAUSTING to stay this positive all the time when you hurt either from a chronic illness or surgery or both and still work full time, still am active outside the house, and have 2 young children running around constantly wanting the attention that they deserve to get from their dad.
Can I have a weekend... Just one... Where I am allowed to be negative? One where I can complain about how much I hurt and how exhausted something simple as doing the laundry makes me? One where I can have people not expect the world out of me? One where I can play the "I'm Sick" card and not feel guilty about it? Where I can call in to work sick and not feel guilty that I shorted them or my family? Just one?
This post took a turn you didn't expect, didn't it.....
Well until I touchdown in Fantasy land... I guess it's time to slap the smile back on my face and get to it again... :D
Well that's enough complaining from me. Complaining about your life gets you nowhere...
I am going to go back to listening to my Christmas music... Try not to spoil the little joy I get out of this every year.
Until I see you all again.....
16 November 2009
13 November 2009
It's a really grey day out there today
Today is definately a grey kind of day. Woke up late... had to run for the bus... took my rain jacket but forgot to make sure I had another layer underneath it... got blamed for something that wasn't my fault and couldn't have fixed it even if I had caught it in time... It's a grey day.
Life had been interesting since surgery for me. Life started to return to normal... but then again is there such a thing as normal for me? I returned to work full time 2 weeks post op. My doctor wasn't too happy about that, but what can I say I'm stubborn.(there seems to be no damage done for doing that) The wound from the surgery is healing alright I guess. I am a little sick of seeing this Giant opening in my abs and tired of not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. If it doesn't hurt my back, it hurts my abs, no matter what I do. So I am forced to take the lesser of 2 evils and decide what gets to hurt that night. It's a little annoying to say the least.
I am gettin use to living with the ostomy. I think the bigger restriction for me right now is the wound. I wish it would heal already. Life hasn't really changed outside that. It's actually a lot nicer for me. I am not in a constant search for a bathroom. I also think less about what I am eating and just am eating more! Being a foodie at heart, it really sucked not being able to eat most things for the longest time! I would still create magnificent dishes for my family, I was just unable to eat my own creations. (I did the same thing when I was on TPN, I would cook for my family then go get hooked up for the night as they enjoyed it)
(Quick Break.... actually have work to do.... WTH is up with that....)
There are a few things that I am having to get use to living with this bag on my abs. A lot of my formal clothes don't look quite right now. I tend to wear very tailored shirts, and it looks like I have a bit of a weird looking belly. I think I will have to learn to manipulate it a bit to make these shirts look proper again! I love my clothes and don't want to have to go find different ones. Another good note is that I have put on 13 pounds since surgery! I am on my way to getting back to the shape I once was! I should put pictures up of me just out of High School. I felt the best about how I looked back then. If I could get even close to that again I would be happy! I will be training hard for the GYGIG rides soon so that will help get the muscle tone back, now just to put the weight back on.
(Sorry.... Another Work break.... trying to write this today during my breaks)
Work is an interesting creature. I am use to this, but just when things start to get into a routine, that blows up and we start all over again. That's alright by me... to a point. I love for things to constantly be changing, but my body doesn't like it so much. Hell it's taken a couple years to get use to waking up when I do, and half the time I still wake up late.
My kids are growing up way too quickly! Elijah is running around starting to try and form words. His favorite thing to do now is imitate what mommy and daddy do. I will have to upload a video I have of him grabbing one of our empty cups, lifting it like he was drinking from it, and as he puts it down he goes "ahhh"! It is the cutest thing ever! Amber is doing great in school. She started at a new school this year in a harder program and is doing so much better than she was. I think getting her away from all her old friends helped that out too. We have been blessed with 2 really good kids. Now let's hope that the third will be the same.
Yes... I did just say Third...
Erin is preggo with our 3rd (and final) child. Estimated due date at this point is June 16th, but I am sure that will change by a couple days in the future. This does mean that there is no chance in hell that the wife will let me go to NY this year for the ride... Which sucks because I really wanted to make it to NY this year. Oh well... there still is the Midwest and I will still be involved with the NY ride. Someone has to keep an eye on the Twitter feed and keep those tweets coming! I am going to try and convince the board to let me update the Facebook too while on the ride along with the website. I have some great ideas for this year! Now to get them all down on paper and ready to present.
With The Holidays just around the corner, I hope all of you that read this have a very Happy Holidays. This is the time of year for me to be insane, except for about 48 hours when I am with the family having an enjoyable meal and plesent conversation. So if you don't hear from me anytime soon, it's because I have misplaced my mind in the mess that is my office... I will get back to you as soon as I find it again.
Much Love to you all!
Life had been interesting since surgery for me. Life started to return to normal... but then again is there such a thing as normal for me? I returned to work full time 2 weeks post op. My doctor wasn't too happy about that, but what can I say I'm stubborn.(there seems to be no damage done for doing that) The wound from the surgery is healing alright I guess. I am a little sick of seeing this Giant opening in my abs and tired of not being able to find a comfortable position to sleep in. If it doesn't hurt my back, it hurts my abs, no matter what I do. So I am forced to take the lesser of 2 evils and decide what gets to hurt that night. It's a little annoying to say the least.
I am gettin use to living with the ostomy. I think the bigger restriction for me right now is the wound. I wish it would heal already. Life hasn't really changed outside that. It's actually a lot nicer for me. I am not in a constant search for a bathroom. I also think less about what I am eating and just am eating more! Being a foodie at heart, it really sucked not being able to eat most things for the longest time! I would still create magnificent dishes for my family, I was just unable to eat my own creations. (I did the same thing when I was on TPN, I would cook for my family then go get hooked up for the night as they enjoyed it)
(Quick Break.... actually have work to do.... WTH is up with that....)
There are a few things that I am having to get use to living with this bag on my abs. A lot of my formal clothes don't look quite right now. I tend to wear very tailored shirts, and it looks like I have a bit of a weird looking belly. I think I will have to learn to manipulate it a bit to make these shirts look proper again! I love my clothes and don't want to have to go find different ones. Another good note is that I have put on 13 pounds since surgery! I am on my way to getting back to the shape I once was! I should put pictures up of me just out of High School. I felt the best about how I looked back then. If I could get even close to that again I would be happy! I will be training hard for the GYGIG rides soon so that will help get the muscle tone back, now just to put the weight back on.
(Sorry.... Another Work break.... trying to write this today during my breaks)
Work is an interesting creature. I am use to this, but just when things start to get into a routine, that blows up and we start all over again. That's alright by me... to a point. I love for things to constantly be changing, but my body doesn't like it so much. Hell it's taken a couple years to get use to waking up when I do, and half the time I still wake up late.
My kids are growing up way too quickly! Elijah is running around starting to try and form words. His favorite thing to do now is imitate what mommy and daddy do. I will have to upload a video I have of him grabbing one of our empty cups, lifting it like he was drinking from it, and as he puts it down he goes "ahhh"! It is the cutest thing ever! Amber is doing great in school. She started at a new school this year in a harder program and is doing so much better than she was. I think getting her away from all her old friends helped that out too. We have been blessed with 2 really good kids. Now let's hope that the third will be the same.
Yes... I did just say Third...
Erin is preggo with our 3rd (and final) child. Estimated due date at this point is June 16th, but I am sure that will change by a couple days in the future. This does mean that there is no chance in hell that the wife will let me go to NY this year for the ride... Which sucks because I really wanted to make it to NY this year. Oh well... there still is the Midwest and I will still be involved with the NY ride. Someone has to keep an eye on the Twitter feed and keep those tweets coming! I am going to try and convince the board to let me update the Facebook too while on the ride along with the website. I have some great ideas for this year! Now to get them all down on paper and ready to present.
With The Holidays just around the corner, I hope all of you that read this have a very Happy Holidays. This is the time of year for me to be insane, except for about 48 hours when I am with the family having an enjoyable meal and plesent conversation. So if you don't hear from me anytime soon, it's because I have misplaced my mind in the mess that is my office... I will get back to you as soon as I find it again.
Much Love to you all!
10 November 2009
Bring the World Cup to Seattle and the US!
I just added a widget to the sidebar of this blog. It is to help bring the Beautiful game to Seattle and more importantly the US. Please take a minute to sign the petition, help bring litterally WORLD CLASS Soccer to the US once again!
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